Can't Run From The Truth

Finding a good guy isn't easy...
But I managed to find one..
He treats me like gold, makes me laugh, appreciates me, adores me, respects me and everything I always dreamed of!
However, something was missing.

I've been in love before and I know what it feels like.
It makes you crazy, makes you dreamy,
makes you selfless and brings out the absolute best in you..
Has you wanting to do things you never imaged before..

Unfortunatley, I have not found that in this man..
and I'm not willing to settle for anything less than what I felt before.

Although it broke my heart, Me and my latest have decided to just stay friends.
Did I make a mistake? Who knows..
I might've just missed out on a great guy.
Call me a dreamer, but I'm still waiting for that feeling to return..

Until Next Time.........

:)

No Greater Love?

I know its been a short while.. but I have really been questioning my thoughts lately.
Thing with Mike are going well and we do have a second date planned to go to the CNE on Monday, .. but there is just one thing!

I came across this picture of Mike where he was taking the picture of himself in the mirror. THAT WAS THEE BIGGEST TURN-OFF FOR ME. It was an innocent picture but it just threw me right off. I mean, I dont even know how to take a picture in the mirror properly myself! I know I sound silly for saying this but I just don't like him as much anymore after that.

I don't know if Im making excuses because I don't want to be with anyone else, or if I truly am just turned off.. but I have noticed that I am distancing myself away from Mike now, and trying to avoid talking about going on our second date to the CNE.

Its so easy for me to get turned off by a guy, unfortunatley. Im not perfect myself. In fact, I'm pretty weird and I do a lot of gross things.... but I just cannot fake liking someone a lot when I'm just not feeling it.

It made me wonder, was Rob the only guy who (as nasty and filthy and smelly and perfect he was, I still loved him?) Will I find that again........ Is there no greater love?

Epiphany

I realized that soon after everything with Mike that I have been thinking about Rob and the possibility of reconciliation. I have also realized that it is absolutely normal for me to be thinking back on Rob because of this new man... its human nature to compare. I have been guilty of acting out on my thoughts of Rob and it has only lead me to realize one thing..... he doesn't care, and its time to move on.

I finally had an awakening today and feel the need to move on mentally too. My family still thinks I am with Rob because I don't have the heart to tell them I'm not. I have decided that this week I will tell my family the truth about Rob. The reason why I held back was because I never wanted anyone to think badly of him in case we did get back together.

Moving on means going full force. If I'm going to make this choice, I'm going to do it right. I have started by deleting his phone number from his phone today (which took a lot), but it is a start.

I am kind of excited to move on and see what else is out there........ weird, but it's something new for me.

Good-day!

1st Date

I haven't written in a while.. but now that I am, there is someone new in my life. I'm not going to be so quick to say that he is someone significant, because I have no idea. Lets call him 'Mike'. I was introduced to Mike not too long ago and we hit it off right away. 

Me and Mike hit it off for many reasons. Firstly, he is super-charming. I feel really comfortable in his presence and he has a strong mind. When we first met, I put him to the test. In my 'test' I look to see how strong a person's mind is. I challenge them on different topics such as: music, religion and random philosophy. I look to see if he is easily swayed (which is a big no no). I look to see that he is not afraid to disagree with me (because I hate people who agree to everything I say). Needless to say, he passed.. with flying colours! It turns out that he is keen about having such philosophical discussions-- (I melted). 

He is in Teacher's College wanting to become a Gym-Teacher but has plans to start many businesses on the side, in the near future. Ambitious (yes!). Well educated (bonus!). He is a dream to look at- without sounding mushy. He is one beautiful looking man. He has the most perfect face and smile. He works out everyday so its no surprise that his body is super-amazing as well. One thing I should have mentioned earlier- his birthday. Are you ready? Dun-Dun-DUN........... Valentines Day. Its not the fact that he is born on Valentine's Day.. but because that is one day apart from Rob's birthday. Yes, another Aquarius man. 

It seems that I only seem to be attracted to Aquarius men, but they have the strongest minds and biggest imaginations! I have 5 years experience in dealing with the most difficult Aquarius.. so I'm more than ready for this one. I already know how to handle these men (minimal contact, don't ask questions about what they are thinking, don't expect any emotion, expect them to withdraw, yada yada yada...)

Anyway, on the day of our first date I was working late until 9 and was thinking maybe we shouldn't meet up.. but he insisted and said he would pick me up from work around 9. I agreed. (I'm going to cut the entire story so its shorter)

We made it to the theatre parking lot but didn't want to get out of the car because we were having such a good conversation. We went in anyway. Once we sat down it, I thought it would be awkward (considering I haven't been on a date in five years, totally forgetting how to act at the movies) but I was super comfortable. I kept my hands in my lap and made sure not to lean towards him. He, on the other hand was completley leaning towards me. Many times, he turned to look at me but I wouldn't look back (being the difficult bitch). I knew he was trying to make eye contact so that we would kiss but I already knew before I came that I wasn't going to kiss him. Half way through out the movie he grabbed my hand and held it, with a tight grip. Caressing his thumb over my fingers.
"Wow"
I was in shock. Not because he held my hand but because no one has ever held my hand. It had been so long since I felt any sort of affection. It was cute and innocent, I allowed it.

Once the movie ended, he took out his hand to walk my down the stairs behind him. BUT- he didn't let go when we got outside. That's right.. he held my hand in front of everyone at the theatre! I even saw someone I knew, and people he knew, but he didn't care. In a way it was awkward because I was not used to it and because well, its our first date.. but I allowed him to do that again because holding hands is harmless.

We walked out to his car and sat there until 4am and fucked. MIND-FUCKED that is. We talked about everything once again.. and it was just perfect! I had my shoes off and feet up on the seat, without a care.. I was comfortable around him. He told me about his sports that he plays and his passion for soccer. He told me about his future plans and talked to me about some of his childhood. By the time we knew it, it was already 3am. So we headed home.

Once we got outside, he unbuckled his seat belt and gave me a big hug. He kissed me on my cheek and then I left to go home. 

Once I got into bed, I recapped the entire night in my head and smiled to myself. I was glad I had finally given him a chance because I normally push men away from me. I closed my eyes that night and did my usual prayers... I still prayed for Rob and his well being. And then for a second my thoughts raced to him... but I chose to dismiss them and told myself that he had already given another man the opportunity to make me smile, and that he was losing me. 

It was weird that I thought of Rob but it was expected.. I was going to compare my first date to Rob. Yes, Mike is amazing.. but obviously he hasn't given me what Rob has.. yet. What will come out of Mike? Time will only tell.. but I'm more than willing to him another date! 

The You In Me

(Insert Deep Sigh)

...Okay, so I have come to the conclusion that I now treat men the way Rob used to treat me. How dare I?.. Its bad, real bad.. Let me explain...

This friend of mine (male friend) said a couple things to me that made me think.. He said the following:
"Why do you always talk so cryptic"
"Im usually really good at reading people but I can't read you"
"Why are your walls up so high"
"I dont get you, you frustrate me"

..And then it hit me.. I've been there before and everything he was saying was everything I had felt whenever I was talking to Rob. Am I now becoming him? Is this how Im dealing with the pain, by treating others the way he treated me?

Too Many Sacrifices?

I dont know if I should be happy or angry.........
Ok so, you all know I'm madly in love with Rob. Rob who is missing and never in my life. Yes, that Rob. However, I have started to get closer to someone who is just a friend BUT I am confused for the first time in my life.

This guy is sooooo funny and he makes me laugh so much. He is also very witty (which I love) and we have some of the best conversations together.. (about religion and philosophy and all that stuff)... and Im confused now because he is making me feel different.. and I dont know how I feel about it.

I've already told him we can only be friends because I would end up hurting him. He asked "How" and I explained to him that I was still in love with Rob and that I wasn't looking to be with anyone else.. Ofcourse, he thought I was crazy but he really understood me.

I'm not confused to whether I like this guy more than Rob or not. Hells no. I am clearly madly in love with Rob, more than I could ever be with anyone else.. and I dont even really like this new guy yet but what Im confused and angry about is this...

Am I pushing away opportunities for myself? Am I ruining what could be a good thing? Is it worth it?

I say.. YES it is worth pushing everyone away for Rob and I will continue to do so.. but what if in the end I'm not with him? What if I end up single for the rest of my life because I keep pushing everyone away and Rob still doesn't come to claim me?............THIS is what bothers me.........

OK, Im done.

Good-Day!

Tears On My Pillow

Today I will be crying myself to sleep as I feel so drained. Im laying here in bed trying to sleep but cant stop my tears from hitting the pillow.. I have decided to blog about it instead. I haven't cried in a while but today I just feel so blue. I'm going through a lot of crap right now and I just feel so shitty. I have amazing friends but I dont want to burden them with my problems, its just not fair to them. I have got to deal with this on my own.

I just can't go on faking a smile anymore. A lot of time times I am genuinly happy but most of the time, I'm not. Everyone knows me as a happy-go-lucky, always positive and always happy girl.. but Im far from that. Yes I do always see the glass half full and all that but there are times when I just feel like giving up and don't care anymore.

A lot of the times I maintain being that happy girl around my friends because sometimes they need it too. They need to be ME so I can uplift them as well. I have no problem being hoenst with those close to me and telling them everything as it is.. however, I do have a problem saying no and not being able to help my friends when they need it. Its sad to say but I do put everyone else before me. Its just the way I have always been, and as I get older.. I will only be that way more and more. Being a Mother one day in the future, I'm going to put my babies before me. I guess I'm just stuck in some training.

...Tonight is one of those nights.

Its true that the girl who is always there for everybody.. likes to have someone there for her too. Sometimes I wish the one guy who could ease all my pain would come through. I cannot stand to see him upset, I would always want to be there for him. But then again hes no psychic who knows when I'm going through a hard time. I just like to be treated the way I treat others, thats all.

At the end of the day, Life ain't fair. Sometimes you will get the short-end of the stick and theres not much you can do about it but make the most of what you've got.

Don't get me wrong- I'm very, very independant but there are times that I just wish I had him (or someone) to lean to.. to be all ears for me. To give me that unconditional love that I deserve.

My time clearly isn't now..

Time to go to sleep, alone......Goodnight.

Gift or a Curse?

Why is it that God has sent me someone who is never there when I need him?

What have I really done that was so bad that I have been punished in such a way. Sometimes I just can't wrap my head around it. The man I'm completley loyal to, would give anything for, the one who has taught me so much.. the one who himself loves me so much.. Why does he always leave me, Why is he kept away from me for so long?

Ok--I get it every relationship teaches you something etc etc.. BUT What I mean is.. Why am I still in love with him? Why has over 5 years passed and NOTHING has changed. Why have I been without him for one year and yet I still get butterflies on every thought of him? "Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder?"-- Yes it does BUT I was still so madly in love with him whenever I was with him.. We have spent numerous amount of nights together without getting sick of eachother.. It is almost as if our bodies crave to be near each other.

Without boasting- I treat others very well (infact I treat others the way I want to be treated)..I do what I can and it is reciprocated but when it comes to Rob- nothing. And to the people who tell me that I could get anyone I pleased.. well, Why have I not? Why have I not found anyone yet?

Another thing is, I believe in Karma. I cannot do anything without thinking of Karma. For example: I could be talking to a very nice man who I meet somewhere, but i'll stop talking to him.. thinking that if I continue to do so, so will Rob.. and in some way or another I will get hurt.. I know, its insane. I have such a big guilt conceince.. I dont fuck with it. I just feel guilty for doing anything, its kind of annoying but I kind of like it.

But why did God choose ME to do this to? Why couldnt I just be normal and be able to move on and talk to other guys and date other guys.. and go with the flow? Why can't I just see if I am compatible with anyone else and see if I can find someone who is right for me?..........Who knows........

In retrospect- IF I do end up with Rob.. I will see how this time apart was good for us. I have grown and learned a lot..traveled, finished college and became a young professional. But it sucks when I need him....... hes the only one who can make it all better with just one word.. How does he have that much power over me? I hate it but I love it.. I feel like I can face lifes biggest obstacles if he is by my side.. no kidding. THE BIGGEST fears I have in my life, I know I can confront them if I have Rob by my side.. Im not scared to do anything or experience anything with that man.. He makes me invincible.. but he also makes me this WEAK zero dignity girl........... BITTERSWEET.

Frustration

I'm so confused at this very moment. I don’t know if its because I am sitting by myself at home while my friends are out with their boyfriends or if I'm just letting out emotions that I've repressed before.

I love my friends and I'd take a bullet for them.. they have been there for me through everything which makes me life a lot easier. There are days when I don't see them and I seem to be OK those days too... but today for some reason, something is off....
It just really sucks that Rob and I cannot just hang out and talk. He is the one person who I love talking to, doing nothing with and gets me.. gets everything I say! We have now been broken up for almost a year (haven't seen each other once since August) yet I still feel so comfortable with him and I'm longing just to see him.
I understand how break ups go and the "rules" but honestly.. fuck the rules. There shouldn't be any rules, period. I no longer believe in playing hard to get or playing stupid mind games.. they don't get you anywhere... it only confuses things more! I am very open and upfront about things, even when I shouldn't be.
I don't know what I'm upset about today.. whether its because I can't just hang out with Rob or if I'm just really bored and upset with the circumstances in my life at the moment. Hmm, come to think of it.. probably the second part. Truth be told, I'm pretty OK without Rob in my life.. I manage. I do think of him every single day, every couple minutes (for for a second or two) and I do miss him when I go to bed at night... but I'm still OK.
However, I cannot get myself in a relationship with anyone else. I have "missed" out on a lot of good guys because I don't want to be with anyone else but Rob. I don't put myself out there either and that also may be the reason why I have been single for a ear.. but whatever it is, I'm glad. Had I been with anyone, I would've ended up breaking their heart because I'm still madly in love with Rob.
Everyone knows that I'm in love with a no-name mysterious man and I'm sure they wonder who he is or why I'm even waiting for him. It is a choice I've made myself and its better to do something than regret that you didn't. Come to think of it, I think that's how I live my life.. I tend to message Rob at inappropriate times or say things to him out of no where because I just don't care anymore.. better to do something than regret not doing it.. right?
So basically I'm an endless dreamer and either I’ll be very happy in the end, or disappointed.

One Touch

This post is going to be a little different. If you read my previous posts about the guy I was in love with (Rob) then this may be of interest to you.

I'm blogging about (this) and other little experiences because they are still fresh in my head and I don't want to forget about them.

So this happened back in July of 2009. Me and Rob had been broken up for almost six months and were now meeting on our anniversary to watch fireworks. I drove to a city about an hour and 20 minutes away from where I live to finally meet him. At the time, Rob was working in a different city and was living there too.

I remember being nervous driving there... I didn't know what to expect. I knew our feelings for each other were deep because we had expressed to each other how much we cared and missed each other from being apart. I had not touched him, smelt him or been close to him in over six months but yet I still remembered unerringly how he smelt, exactly how every inch of his body felt and how my body reacted to his sweet, soft voice.

I was still madly in love with Rob at this point... I could not wait to see him!! I knew that unlike our two previous encounters, this one would be different.

Eventually I got to my destination and parked outside of a Taco Bell parking lot. Rob messaged me and said he would be on his way. I was wearing black jeans, a black tank and a black cardigan. I also had my mustard yellow purse with me that day. Looking back, I wondered why I wore all black on such a hot day.

I waited uncomplainingly until I saw Rob's car pull up beside mine. Oh my god...This is real. I was so nervous but I wouldn't let it show. I got out of my car, locked it and walked into Rob's car. We gave each other this clever smile we always gave each other when we knew what we were getting into. He commented on my bag and how ugly the colour was... I just laughed and changed the topic to something else.

Long story short-- We parked at a location and started to talk and watch the fireworks. The fireworks went on for a while but not once did we touch each other. Not even a hand on my leg or my hand on his shoulder. None. Zippo. After the fireworks, he drove us to a remote location where there was a pond and trees. I believe we were actually on someone's property; it looked like a farm house.

We talked, talked, and talked. (By the way- I could never get sick of talking to Rob or listening to his stories).We put on the radio and "Come on get higher" by Matt Nathanson came on... the words were telling our story while we sat in silence and listened.....

"I miss the sound of your voice
And I miss the rush of your skin
And I miss the still of the silence
As you breathe out and I breathe in"

It was just so ironic and I think we both felt it.. He leaned in a bit closer and for the first time in six months... We collided. Our bodies touched. And what happened was the most remarkable feeling I have ever, ever felt. I actually felt like we were two pieces of wax with heat between us and we just melted. Whether he felt it or not, I'm not sure. It was just too physically powerful for me to ignore. Essentially, I melted in his arms. I wasn't feeling things that were not happening... It was such an amazing feeling that words do no justice. The chemistry between us was just so strong and it was all just so perfect. I didn't have any butterflies... Nor was I nervous. It’s like my body was craving him and it was finally just so happy to be near him. I didn't understand it... But I just chopped it up to "love".

I don't know if anyone even reads this blog... But I would like to know if anyone else has ever experienced this before too? I know I can't be the only one.

Love & Chemistry

I am attracted to you
Like an electron to a proton
Together we form an ionic bond
Though we are opposite charged ions
I am drawn towards you

 Our love is unique as an orbital
For only two electrons can fill this space
As my love for you increases
My energy level rises
I am in this excited state

Increasing the tendency to form a chemical bond
I was an element
It took you to make me a compound substance
Falling in love with you is a chemical reaction
Which cause my love for you to grow
Ours is an exothermic love
Each for giving off love not just absorbing it

Sometimes you do something especially nice
Which speeds up the chemical process
Like a catalyst in my increasing love for you

I realise we have our inhibition periods
And sometimes I am selfish enough
To be an endothermic reaction
Only absorbing your love

The feeling I have for you is so intense
It cannot be measured in kilojoules
Often I have to make a qualitative elementary analysis
To understand and love you more

But I don't expect to know your empirical formula
You are too complex a person for that
When you are gone
I am a noble gas
An inert substance
When I am without you
The world seems still
And I am at equilibrium

White Mocha Latte

I had just graduated from high school, summer of 2007. I had also just let go of my two-year relationship with one of my good friends from high school earlier that year. There were many reasons why I let him go. I looked at him as more of a friend than a boyfriend. We got along really well, but I knew it wasn’t the way love was supposed to feel; I felt as if it should feel more magical, make me do crazy things I thought I would never do. I wasn’t expecting to find someone, I thought I’d be single for a while, and then maybe one day, closer to marriage time, I’d find him.

It was common for people in my age group at that time to be drinking and partying. It wasn’t something I had quite experienced. So for the first time, I was going to do both at once. It was a Sunday night. Canada Day, to be exact. My friends and I headed to downtown Toronto to book a hotel for later that night.

We pulled up to a tall building that had a letter “S” on it; it stood for Sheraton, Sheraton Town Centre. We unpacked the few items we had brought and began to get ready. Drinks were being poured and everyone seemed to be having a great time. I went for my first drink – it was Smirnoff mixed with cranberry juice.

I was disgusted by the smell of it as I brought the glass closer to my face; my nose crinkled as an obvious sign that I wasn’t looking forward to taking in whatever was in the glass, but I did anyway. It was followed by a couple more drinks, until I felt a little wobbly. I think I was drunk for the first time, and I finally knew what it felt like.

I stepped out the hotel room and we were on our way to Metro nightclub.

As we approached the line up, there were many people lined up and being very loud, it wasn’t something I was used to seeing. It was now my turn to show my fake ID; I was eighteen years old at the time. I passed my ID to the bouncer and looked down, hoping he wouldn’t realize the girl in the ID looked nothing like me.

He didn’t.

He passed me 'my' ID and let me go in. I could hear the music pumping and see the lights flashing. It was a whole new world I had stepped into. The alcohol in my body made me want to move to the music, it was almost impossible to stand still. I was familiar with a lot of all of the songs that were being played so I sang along and moved. I was having a great time.

So this is what it’s all about? I thought to myself. This is clubbing, what everyone always talks about?

It didn’t seem all that exciting to me. It was fun but I wasn’t used to being in a place so crowded with intoxicated strangers. I kind of felt unsafe, but I tried to have as much fun as I could. I could feel my body loosening up and realized that I was clearly drunk.

I walked around, looking for my friends, meanwhile my eyes were glued on to one particular guy. I opened my eyes wider to take a better look at him. He was so pleasant to look at. He was of a medium build, with short spiky hair and fair skin. He was wearing a striped navy blue dress shirt, a silver chain around his neck, and a pair of sunglasses over his eyes.

Yes, sunglasses on inside a club.

Maybe his future is too bright? Hmm, What A guy.

Of course, the alcohol in my system gave me the courage to approach him.

It all happened so fast I didn’t have time to think of what to say or do, so I gently hit him with my fist and said, “You’re really cute.”

He just looked at me, laughed a little, and walked away.

What the hell did I just do? Why did I touch him? Whats wrong with me? Im so stupid.

That was all I was thinking to myself. For some strange reason when he walked away, I walked up after him and told him not to go. I have no idea what possessed me as I was a very shy person. He said he would come back and meet me in a few minutes or so. After walking around for a while longer, we bumped into each other again.

I asked him what his name was, he responded with “Kulwinder” – that’s what I heard, at least. We began having basic conversation and I began to realize that he is a lot like me, I even felt sober talking to him. It was so easy to talk to him and something told me I had to whip up anything I could say and continue to get to know him.

 

The first question I asked him was, “Tupac or Biggie?”

From there on we asked each other about other music artists that we liked, including Immortal Technique. I was quite impressed with his music taste, it was an added bonus. We sat down for a while and kept conversing. He pulled out his Motorola Razor phone and asked me what my number was; I grabbed his phone to type in my own number and saw a picture of an Elmo toy as his background (he claimed it was his nephews).

I called my number and closed his phone.

I dont know what it was about him but I felt so good around this man. Even having his arm on me gave me chills. What has this man done to me? I've only known him for about 25 minutes.

Eventually, I introduced him to my friends, and asked him and his friends to come back to our hotel to hang out with us. They said they would let us know. Me and my friends left and headed back to our hotel. I was so excited about meeting Kulwinder that I had a huge smile on my face on the walk back. As soon as we got into our room, I ran to check my phone to see if he had called more than once.

And he did!

I called back and he asked for the room number. I gave it and I hung up and jumped for joy. I told my friends that Kulwinder and his buddies were on their way over. We all quickly changed into our pajamas and washed our faces. Me and my friends went to the elevator and waited for them. We heard a loud noise in the elevator – it was the sound of a beer bottle that dropped and broke in the elevator – and of course... it was them!

When the door opened, there he was in a green and white Celtics jersey and jean shorts, looking cute as ever. We led them to our room and we all hung out and talked. Since the room was now crowded and it was difficult to talk to him, I asked Kulwinder if he wanted to go downstairs and walk around, and he agreed.

We left the room and went downstairs. I was wearing my purple Mickey Mouse t-shirt. Oh, how I wish I had brought a different shirt. We decided to explore the hotel since it was really big and had a lot of different things. Kulwinder had to use the restroom so we tried to look for a bathroom but couldn’t. We asked a maintenance worker where the washrooms were, and he showed us a narrow hallway that lead to a small washroom.

He went in, and came back out.

I dont know what it was about his presence but it made me feel so childlike. I wanted to be my weird self and not filter anything around him.

We were very tired by now because it was close to 4 am so we sat down on an orange couch right in front of a mini waterfall. We began asking each other questions and getting to know each other better. He asked me how old I was, and I told him I was 18 years old. He was 21.

Hmm, 3 years older than me.. That can`t be too bad.

He took off his earrings, handed them to me and layed down because he was really tired. He asked me to play with his hair. Normally, I wouldve thought it was an odd request.. considering I just met him but for some reason I just felt so comfortable with him. Like, I know him from another lifetime. I agreed and began stroking his hair.

Eventually, his friends came and they all were ready to head back home. I walked him to the exit and he was standing by his white rental Ford, ready to go. I gave him a hug and said goodbye, asking him if I would ever see him again.

“You’re too young for me,” he replied, and then he left.

I was a bit sad because within the hour or two that I was around him, I really enjoyed it. I wanted to get to know him better.

I kept his water bottle with me. I was sad to see him go but something told me it wouldn’t be the last time I saw him. Why would I keep this man`s water bottle? I'm not sure-- I think I sensed that he would be something special to me one day and this water bottle would represent the first time I ever met him.

I text messaged Kulwinder the next day to make sure he got home okay. From there on, we began texting each other a lot, about every single detail in our everyday lives. He lived about 40 minutes away from me. Every time my phone vibrated, I would expect it to be a message from him. I would wake up every morning with my eyes half-closed, searching for my phone all over my bed just to see if I had a missed called or a message received from him. I was consumed by this man, already.

We would talk on the phone every night until we fell asleep on the phone. We would talk about childhood stories, the events in our day, tv shows and we would even try to have freestyle battles over the phone. I sucked.

I remember I woke up one morning so excited to start my day. I was all smiles and bubbly. I was skipping around the house instead of walking, and talking so much even my mom was starting to question what it was that had her daughter feeling so uplifted. I got dressed later on that day and went off to work.

I blushed everytime I would see a message from him. His messages were always so sarcastic and witty. Oh, how I love his sense of humor. I always responded to his wit with clever responses myself.

At the time, I worked at an urban clothing store called XTC. I went to work that morning and did the usual – helping and cashing customers out. I remember the songs that came out that summer because our store always played the latest music. I hummed the beat to Shawty by Plies to myself as I was folding and putting away clothes. I felt my phone vibrate and went to go pick it up.

I took out my phone to see that it was my friend, Teresa, calling. I quickly picked up the phone to hear what she had to say. Teresa had asked me to come over to see her and maybe later on we would plan to go out to a local club called Body English. After work finished, I hurried home to change my clothes and go over to Teresa’s house.

When I arrived, I greeted her parents and ran up to Teresa’s room. I walked in and closed the door behind me. I sat down on the bed and told Teresa everything about Kulwinder and how excited I was to be talking to him. While she was putting on her make-up, she kept up with the questions about him.

“Why don’t you ask him to come to the club tonight?” she asked.

I don’t know why I didn’t think of it myself, but she was right. Why don’t I invite him?

So I did just that.

He told me he would definitely stop by. I was thrilled!

This would be the first time I would see Kulwinder after the night I met him.

Teresa and I arrived at the club and met up with a couple of our friends. We had a drink or two and danced for a bit. Less than halfway through the night, I got a phone call from Kulwinder; he said he was parked outside of the club in a white vehicle.

I was so nervous, I felt like I had to puke. I could feel the butterflies in my belly fluttering all around. I was ready to back down because I was feeling so nervous. I told my friends that I was leaving and began making my way out of the club towards the door.

What am I doing? I’m meeting up with a total stranger. I’ve never done this before. He could turn out to be a serial killer. You don’t even know him all that well.

It was all I could think as I approached the white vehicle.

The glare from the headlights of the car made it hard for me to see his face as I was walking, but I knew that meant he could see every inch of me clearly. I opened the door and sat inside. There he was, looking flawless just as I remembered him. He was wearing a white zip-up with the word Enyce written on his left upper side in colorful letters. It also seemed as if he had shaved recently, he looked very clean.

I reached over and gave him a quick hug. We made small talk and had a conversation going from the second I stepped into the car. It felt so easy, so natural. I wasn’t afraid anymore, I wasn’t nervous that I was in a car with a stranger. I felt safe.

I was wearing a bright blue cotton tube top with light blue jeans and white earrings. I also had two necklaces that looked like they were made out of plastic bags around my neck. I had gotten them when I entered the club. I took one off and put it around his neck. I guess I thought that would break the ice or something, I’m not too sure why I did it.

We drove around for a bit and ended up stopping at a park near his sister’s house. The CD that he had been playing was very soothing. It had most of my favorite slow songs on it. The track changed and One Day You’ll Be Mine by Usher came on.

Hmm, is he subliminally trying to tell me something? Am I seeing a soft side of this man?

Kulwinder began singing along with the song, it was very cute. I was impressed. While we were listening to the music, he took out his driver’s license to show me his picture. I looked below to the name and it said Robin Henry.

It didn’t make sense to me.

Who was Rob? I thought his name was Kulwinder? What the---

He looked at my puzzled face and began to laugh. He explained to me that his name was Rob but I heard wrong in the club and began calling him Kulwinder, he thought it was funny and decided not to correct me. He told me I could call him Rob because that’s what everyone called him. I didn’t question him, it made complete sense. For some weird reason, I trusted him already.

We carried on a conversation and got even closer. Eventually, I ended up right beside him near his seat. I lied down in his arms and listened to music. I could feel the warmth of his body and the scent of his skin, mm it was so sweet. He pulled me a little closer and asked me to listen to the words of a song that was playing. It was Sunshine by Lupe Fiasco. The words were sweet and seemed to go with our story about how we met. I looked up at his brown eyes and smiled. I knew we was trying to subliminally trying to tell me that he was beginning to have feelings for me. I felt as if I already had this man figured out. He was very mysterious and closed off but his actions and subliminal cues showed me that he cared for me a lot, already. I felt the same.

There was a feeling I would get every time I looked directly into his eyes.I was unable to keep eye contact for a long time. He knew it, I was too shy. I would turn around or look somewhere else. The feeling I would get looking into his eyes was almost magical. It was too intense and I couldn't handle it-- I just could not keep up a stare into his beautiful eyes. He looked down at me in his arms and came closer. Before I could even think of anything to say or process what was happening, he leaned in closer and kissed me.

His soft lips on my lips, it felt so right. I took in the scent of his body and it intensifed our first kiss. How does this man already consume me? His body was so warm, his lips were so smooth and the kiss was just perfect. I could hear Ashanti’s Rescue Me playing in the background. The moment was just so right. I took off my earrings and placed them down on the seat next to me and continued kissing him, it was just so much fun. The night went on with the exchange of many childhood stories and kisses. By the time the night had ended for us, I felt like I had only been with him for two minutes. Time just flew right by us.

I didn't want to leave this man, I just wanted to sit with him and talk to him for hours. The reason why I was so attracted to him was because he stimulated my mind, he was intelligent. I loved talking to him about anything and everything. The night ended and we parted our ways.

I went home that night and ofcourse- text him. Needless to say, I went to bed with the biggest grin and hugged myself from happiness. Ive never felt so happy in my life before. It was so simple but just perfect.

Days went by and we started to meet up more often. I had never drove on the highway but Rob lived so far away that if I wanted to see him, I would have to learn to drive on the highway.

"Ah, I dont think I can do it. Are there any inner streets I can take?" I asked

"No, just do it. I'll stay on the phone and guide you" He urged me.

He was sometimes kind of bossy, but I liked it for some odd reason. Its like he owned me and I was always willing to obey.

I proceeded towards the highway and anxiousley got onto the ramp. I drove and drove for what seemed like a thousand miles and finally made my way to him. I realized when I pulled up to this street to see him sitting on a basketball in his driveway, that it was so worth the drive!

I've drove on the highway for the first time! Thanks to this man.

God, hes so beautiful.

I stepped out of my car and made my way towards him. We spent the whole day together talking and getting to know eachother better. I felt at ease with this man and I couldnt understand how I felt this way so soon. I knew he felt the same so I wasn't too worried.

I remembered one day in particular, it was about 6 am when he called me and asked me to come over and take a morning nap with him.  I remember listening to Rendezvous by Craig David on my ride there, it became the song I always listened to on my way to see him. Eventually, I got to his place and we just layed in his bed and began to nap.

I opened my eyes to look up at this flawless man laying next to me, he looked like an innocent child while sleeping. I realized at that moment how much I was starting to care about this man, I wanted nothing to harm him. He appeared to be so rough, but I knew he had a big soft spot in him. I layed there for a few minutes and began observing his face and thinking to myself that I could fall for this man easily. More than anything else, I wanted nothing to harm him, I just wanted him to always be happy.

But why? I just met him. How did this happen so fast? Who cares..

I dismissed my thoughts, got closer to Robs body.. put my face in his neck, took in the scent of his body, closed my eyes and napped. It was so simple, so innocent. We just layed there sleeping together. I could lay there forever, I remember thinking.

We woke up from our quick nap and decided to get some coffee since it was early morning. We pulled up to the Second Cup café and ordered our drink – it was a white mocha latte. We took our coffee and sat outside on the patio and enjoyed the beautiful morning sun. We sat next to each other talking about everything.

It was the first time I felt like I was able to open up to someone who I had only known for a short period of time. Even though I was miles away from home, I felt right at home when I was with him. Wonderful Tonight by Eric Clapton came on while we were conversing; I stopped and asked Rob the story about the song and he explained it to me. I love this man's intelligence. His love for music and the fact that he analyzed lyrics like I do- just made me melt.

The way he looked at me when he told me stories…it did something to me. I’d never been so interested in a man’s life before. I’d never really cared too much to know a person inside out. There was something about him. The feeling he gave me. I just wanted to open up my heart to him and let everything out. I felt like I could be myself around him and I know he felt the same.

Watching him laugh and tell me stories about his childhood and family is what really touched me. I loved seeing him smile. I think it was safe to say that I was definitely falling for Rob; it just might’ve been the day I fell in love with him.