Too Many Sacrifices?

I dont know if I should be happy or angry.........
Ok so, you all know I'm madly in love with Rob. Rob who is missing and never in my life. Yes, that Rob. However, I have started to get closer to someone who is just a friend BUT I am confused for the first time in my life.

This guy is sooooo funny and he makes me laugh so much. He is also very witty (which I love) and we have some of the best conversations together.. (about religion and philosophy and all that stuff)... and Im confused now because he is making me feel different.. and I dont know how I feel about it.

I've already told him we can only be friends because I would end up hurting him. He asked "How" and I explained to him that I was still in love with Rob and that I wasn't looking to be with anyone else.. Ofcourse, he thought I was crazy but he really understood me.

I'm not confused to whether I like this guy more than Rob or not. Hells no. I am clearly madly in love with Rob, more than I could ever be with anyone else.. and I dont even really like this new guy yet but what Im confused and angry about is this...

Am I pushing away opportunities for myself? Am I ruining what could be a good thing? Is it worth it?

I say.. YES it is worth pushing everyone away for Rob and I will continue to do so.. but what if in the end I'm not with him? What if I end up single for the rest of my life because I keep pushing everyone away and Rob still doesn't come to claim me?............THIS is what bothers me.........

OK, Im done.

Good-Day!

Concerts

Over the past few years I've had the pleasure of attending to some of the best concerts in my city. I don't want to forget so I'm going to keep track right here and share them with you too :)

1. Rock The Bells Tour
Feat: Nas, Rakim, Murs, Redman & Method Man, The Pharcyde, Mos Def and A Tribe Called Quest (Yes, Q-Tip too).. Needless to say, it was amazing. Standing for about what seemed like 11 hours was hard.. I think it was for 6 hours I may be wrong.. But I remember me and Rob went at about 8 or 9am. The picture below is the actual flyer and the line-up.

2. Glow In The Dark Tour
Feat: Rihanna, Kanye West & N.E.R.D (Apparently Lupe but I don't remember that)
..Again it was amazing! I think we were a bit far back but it was still good. This one I went with Rob, My brothers GF and Rob's good friend. :)

3. My Personal Favorite and most anticipated concert EVER.............
Boys II Men
Me and Rob drove all the way to Orillia and stayed the night there for this one. It was at Casino Rama.. it was just AMAZING. I remember hearing them singing even days after the concert ended.

4. JAY-Z!
Yes.. finally, JAY-Z. This one was on Halloween night and Jay came on with the Jason mask from under the ground.. it was pretty damn awesome. I forgot what the tour name was.... I know J.Cole and Drake were there too though.......Although I got pretty annoyed.. I wanted Jay-Z only!! I went to this one with My two guy friends and yes, Rob was there too :)

5. J.Cole :) -The Warm Up & The Sideline Story
I went to both of his concerts every year he had come to my city! I went to his one with my friend and we had the pleasure to actually meet and hang out with J.Cole himself.. it was a dream come true indeed. It was an amazing concert.. no words can do justice.. he is just such a talented young man.. and ofcourse............Drake was there. The second one was with my other friend and again we had a super blast :)

6. Usher, Trey Songz, Miguel and Drake
So this one was a little different. I went to this one  with 5 of my girlfriends.. I loved every minute of it too. Usher is a good performer to say the least. He was pretty sexual too- ha. He played all his old school jams which made us very happy! Trey Songz was really good too- really sexual as well. Miguel was very brief but did his thing while he was up there.. Drake ofcourse surprised us all (he was good too).

7. Coldplay!
Rumor had it that this may have been the last concert Coldplay was doing. My friend approached me (knowing Im the only one who liked Coldplay) and asked to go. How could I refuse? After all, Coldplay is the Beatles of our generation!! Since it was just yesterday that I went.. Im still in SHOCK. By far THEE best concert I have ever attended in my life. Coldplay is known for their amazing performance but wow.. this was MIND-BLOWING. It was like one HUGE Party.. it was packed.. sold out. There was a confetti party, light show (with everyones wristbands lighting up) and beach balls being throw around the entire venue with everyone just hitting it back to eachother.. Chris Martin and the guys did an amazing job!! They didnt even take a break at the intermission.. they refused, they just kept on going.

Future Concerts I'd Like To Go To:

-Bryan Adams (Please and Thank YOU)
-Jack Johnson
-Corrine Bailey Rae
-Frank Ocean
-Bon Jovi
-Chicago
-John Mayer
-Kings of Leon
-U2
-The Weeknd

Tears On My Pillow

Today I will be crying myself to sleep as I feel so drained. Im laying here in bed trying to sleep but cant stop my tears from hitting the pillow.. I have decided to blog about it instead. I haven't cried in a while but today I just feel so blue. I'm going through a lot of crap right now and I just feel so shitty. I have amazing friends but I dont want to burden them with my problems, its just not fair to them. I have got to deal with this on my own.

I just can't go on faking a smile anymore. A lot of time times I am genuinly happy but most of the time, I'm not. Everyone knows me as a happy-go-lucky, always positive and always happy girl.. but Im far from that. Yes I do always see the glass half full and all that but there are times when I just feel like giving up and don't care anymore.

A lot of the times I maintain being that happy girl around my friends because sometimes they need it too. They need to be ME so I can uplift them as well. I have no problem being hoenst with those close to me and telling them everything as it is.. however, I do have a problem saying no and not being able to help my friends when they need it. Its sad to say but I do put everyone else before me. Its just the way I have always been, and as I get older.. I will only be that way more and more. Being a Mother one day in the future, I'm going to put my babies before me. I guess I'm just stuck in some training.

...Tonight is one of those nights.

Its true that the girl who is always there for everybody.. likes to have someone there for her too. Sometimes I wish the one guy who could ease all my pain would come through. I cannot stand to see him upset, I would always want to be there for him. But then again hes no psychic who knows when I'm going through a hard time. I just like to be treated the way I treat others, thats all.

At the end of the day, Life ain't fair. Sometimes you will get the short-end of the stick and theres not much you can do about it but make the most of what you've got.

Don't get me wrong- I'm very, very independant but there are times that I just wish I had him (or someone) to lean to.. to be all ears for me. To give me that unconditional love that I deserve.

My time clearly isn't now..

Time to go to sleep, alone......Goodnight.

Gift or a Curse?

Why is it that God has sent me someone who is never there when I need him?

What have I really done that was so bad that I have been punished in such a way. Sometimes I just can't wrap my head around it. The man I'm completley loyal to, would give anything for, the one who has taught me so much.. the one who himself loves me so much.. Why does he always leave me, Why is he kept away from me for so long?

Ok--I get it every relationship teaches you something etc etc.. BUT What I mean is.. Why am I still in love with him? Why has over 5 years passed and NOTHING has changed. Why have I been without him for one year and yet I still get butterflies on every thought of him? "Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder?"-- Yes it does BUT I was still so madly in love with him whenever I was with him.. We have spent numerous amount of nights together without getting sick of eachother.. It is almost as if our bodies crave to be near each other.

Without boasting- I treat others very well (infact I treat others the way I want to be treated)..I do what I can and it is reciprocated but when it comes to Rob- nothing. And to the people who tell me that I could get anyone I pleased.. well, Why have I not? Why have I not found anyone yet?

Another thing is, I believe in Karma. I cannot do anything without thinking of Karma. For example: I could be talking to a very nice man who I meet somewhere, but i'll stop talking to him.. thinking that if I continue to do so, so will Rob.. and in some way or another I will get hurt.. I know, its insane. I have such a big guilt conceince.. I dont fuck with it. I just feel guilty for doing anything, its kind of annoying but I kind of like it.

But why did God choose ME to do this to? Why couldnt I just be normal and be able to move on and talk to other guys and date other guys.. and go with the flow? Why can't I just see if I am compatible with anyone else and see if I can find someone who is right for me?..........Who knows........

In retrospect- IF I do end up with Rob.. I will see how this time apart was good for us. I have grown and learned a lot..traveled, finished college and became a young professional. But it sucks when I need him....... hes the only one who can make it all better with just one word.. How does he have that much power over me? I hate it but I love it.. I feel like I can face lifes biggest obstacles if he is by my side.. no kidding. THE BIGGEST fears I have in my life, I know I can confront them if I have Rob by my side.. Im not scared to do anything or experience anything with that man.. He makes me invincible.. but he also makes me this WEAK zero dignity girl........... BITTERSWEET.

Frustration

I'm so confused at this very moment. I don’t know if its because I am sitting by myself at home while my friends are out with their boyfriends or if I'm just letting out emotions that I've repressed before.

I love my friends and I'd take a bullet for them.. they have been there for me through everything which makes me life a lot easier. There are days when I don't see them and I seem to be OK those days too... but today for some reason, something is off....
It just really sucks that Rob and I cannot just hang out and talk. He is the one person who I love talking to, doing nothing with and gets me.. gets everything I say! We have now been broken up for almost a year (haven't seen each other once since August) yet I still feel so comfortable with him and I'm longing just to see him.
I understand how break ups go and the "rules" but honestly.. fuck the rules. There shouldn't be any rules, period. I no longer believe in playing hard to get or playing stupid mind games.. they don't get you anywhere... it only confuses things more! I am very open and upfront about things, even when I shouldn't be.
I don't know what I'm upset about today.. whether its because I can't just hang out with Rob or if I'm just really bored and upset with the circumstances in my life at the moment. Hmm, come to think of it.. probably the second part. Truth be told, I'm pretty OK without Rob in my life.. I manage. I do think of him every single day, every couple minutes (for for a second or two) and I do miss him when I go to bed at night... but I'm still OK.
However, I cannot get myself in a relationship with anyone else. I have "missed" out on a lot of good guys because I don't want to be with anyone else but Rob. I don't put myself out there either and that also may be the reason why I have been single for a ear.. but whatever it is, I'm glad. Had I been with anyone, I would've ended up breaking their heart because I'm still madly in love with Rob.
Everyone knows that I'm in love with a no-name mysterious man and I'm sure they wonder who he is or why I'm even waiting for him. It is a choice I've made myself and its better to do something than regret that you didn't. Come to think of it, I think that's how I live my life.. I tend to message Rob at inappropriate times or say things to him out of no where because I just don't care anymore.. better to do something than regret not doing it.. right?
So basically I'm an endless dreamer and either I’ll be very happy in the end, or disappointed.

RIP Pilsbury

Dear friends,
It is with the saddest heart that I pass on the following. Please join me in remembering a great icon. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a lightly-greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Cap'n Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours as long- time friend, Aunt Jemima, delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very "smart" cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he -- even still, as a crusty old man -- was considered a roll model for millions. Toward the end, it was thought he would rise again, but alas, he was no tart. Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough; two children, John Dough and Jane Dough; plus they had one in the oven.
He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.
The funeral was held at 3:50 for about twenty minutes.

59 Things Happening As You Read This

1. Somebody is very proud of you.
2. Somebody is thinking of you.
3. Somebody is caring about you.
4. Somebody misses you.
5. Somebody wants to talk to you.
6. Somebody wants to be with you.
7. Somebody hopes you aren't in trouble.
8. Somebody is thankful for the support you have provided.
9. Somebody wants to hold your hand.
10. Somebody hopes everything turns out all right.
11. Somebody wants you to be happy.
12. Somebody wants you to find him/her.
13. Somebody is celebrating your successes.
14. Somebody wants to give you a gift.
15. Somebody thinks that you ARE a gift.
16. Somebody hopes you're not too cold, or too hot
17. Somebody wants to hug you.
18. Somebody loves you.
19. Somebody admires your strength.
20. Somebody is thinking of you and smiling.
21. Somebody wants to be your shoulder to cry on.
22. Somebody wants to go out with you and have a lot of fun.
23. Somebody thinks the world of you.
24. Somebody wants to protect you.
25. Somebody would do anything for you.
26. Somebody wants to be forgiven.
27. Somebody is grateful for your forgiveness.
28. Somebody wants to laugh with you.
29. Somebody remembers you and wishes that you were there.
30. Somebody is praising God for you.
31. Somebody needs to know that your love is unconditional.
32. Somebody values your advice.
33. Somebody wants to tell you how much they care.
34. Somebody wants to share their dreams with you.
35. Somebody wants to hold you in their arms.
36. Somebody wants YOU to hold them in your arms.
37. Somebody treasures your spirit.
38. Somebody wishes they could STOP time because of you.
39. Somebody praises God for your friendship and love.
40. Somebody can't wait to see you.
41. Somebody loves you for who you are.
42. Somebody loves the way you make them feel.
43. Somebody wants to be with you.
44. Somebody wants you to know they are there for you.
45. Somebody is glad that you're his/her friend.
46. Somebody wants to be your friend.

47. Somebody stayed up all night thinking about you.
48. Somebody is alive because of you.
49. Somebody is wishing that you noticed him/her.
50. Somebody wants to get to know you better.
51. Somebody wants to be near you.
52. Somebody misses your advice/guidance.
53. Somebody has faith in you.
54. Somebody trusts you.
55. Somebody needs your support.
56. Somebody needs you to have faith in them.
57. Somebody will cry when they read this.
58. Somebody needs you to let them be your friend.
59. Somebody hears a song that reminds them of you.

First Camping Experience

On Saturday, Three of my very close friends and I went camping! It was yet another spontaneous decision that we made, but boy are we ever glad! I was a little worried about the insects and the possibility of animals coming to our tents at night but...nothing happened!

We had a hard time getting our fire started but after burning an entire book we got our fire to catch on to the fire wood. 

We roasted marshmallows, made smores (mm), played some games then headed back to our tent to chit chat and eventually fall asleep. Unfortunatley, I didn't fall asleep (although I was very comfy). I got up at around 6am and started to go for a walk around the camp line. The morning breeze felt amazing! I could walk and walk for hours..
 I cannot wait to go camping again!

I'm really exhausted--hence my poor grammar and shitty post about camping.

Cant We Talk?

A married couple was in a car when the wife turned to her husband and asked, "Would you like to stop for a coffee?"
"No, thanks," he answered truthfully. So they didn't stop.
The result? The wife, who had indeed wanted to stop, became annoyed because she felt her preference had not been considered. The husband, seeing his wife was angry, became frustrated. Why didn't she just say what she wanted?
Unfortunately, he failed to see that his wife was asking the question not to get an instant decision, but to begin a negotiation. And the woman didn't realize that when her husband said no, he was just expressing his preference, not making a ruling. When a man and woman interpret the same interchange in such conflicting ways, it's no wonder they can find themselves leveling angry charges of selfishness and obstinacy at each other.
As a specialist in linguistics, I have studied how the conversational styles of men and women differ. We cannot lump all men or all women into fixed categories. But the seemingly senseless misunderstandings that haunt our relationships can in part be explained by the different conversational rules by which men and women play.
Whenever I write or speak about this subject, people tell me they are relieved to learn that what has caused them trouble - and what they had previously ascribed to personal failings - is, in fact, very common.
Learning about the different though equally valid conversational frequencies men and women are tuned to can help banish the blame and help us truly talk to one another. Here are some of the most common areas of conflict:
Status vs. Support.
Men grow up in a world in which a conversation is often a contest, either to achieve the upper hand or to prevent other people from pushing them around. For women, however, talking is often a way to exchange confirmation and support.
I saw this when my husband and I had jobs in different cities. People frequently made comments like, "That must be rough," and "How do you stand it?" I accepted their sympathy and sometimes even reinforced it, saying, "The worst part is having to pack and unpack al the time."
But my husband often reacted with irritation. Our situation had advantages, he would explain. As academics, we had four-day weekends together, as well as long vacations throughout the year and four months in the summer.
Everything he said was true, but I didn't understand why he chose to say it. He told me that some of the comments implied: "Yours is not a real marriage. I am superior to you because my wife and I have avoided your misfortune." Until then it had not occurred to me there might be an element of one- upmanship.
I now see that my husband was simply approaching the world as many men do: as a place where people try to achieve and maintain status. I, on the other hand, was approaching the world as many women do: as a network of connections seeking support and consensus.
Independence vs. Intimacy.
Since women often think in terms of closeness and support, they struggle to preserve intimacy. Men, concerned with status, tend to focus more on independence. These traits can lead women and men to starkly different views of the same situation.
When Josh's old high-school friend called him at work to say he'd be in town, Josh invited him to stay for the weekend. That evening he told Linda they were having a house guest.
Linda was upset. How could Josh make these plans without discussing them with her beforehand? She would never do that to him. "Why don't you tell your friend you have to check with your wife?" she asked.
Josh replied, "I can't tell my friend, 'I have to ask my wife for permission'!"
To Josh, checking with his wife would mean he was not free to act on his own. It would make him feel like a child or an underling. But Linda actually enjoys telling someone, "I have to check with Josh." It makes her feel good to show that her life is intertwined with her husband's.
Advice vs. Understanding.
Eve had a benign lump removed from her breast. When she confided to her husband, Mark, that she was distressed because the stitches changed the contour of her breast, he answered, "You can always have plastic surgery."
This comment bothered her. "I'm sorry you don't like the way it looks," she protested. "But I'm not having any more surgery!"
Mark was hurt and puzzled. "I don't care about a scar," he replied. "It doesn't bother me at all."
"Then why are you telling me to have plastic surgery?" she asked.
"Because you were upset about the way it looks."
Eve felt like a heel. Mark had been wonderfully supportive throughout her surgery. How could she snap at him now?
The problem stemmed from a difference in approach. To many men a complaint is a challenge to come up with a solution. Mark thought he was reassuring Eve by telling her there was something she could do about her scar. But often women are looking for emotional support, not solutions.
When my mother tells my father she doesn't feel well, he invariably offers to take her to the doctor. Invariably, she is disappointed with his reaction. Like many men, he is focused on what he can do, whereas she wants sympathy.
Information vs. Feelings.
A cartoon shows a husband opening a newspaper and asking his wife, "Is there anything you'd like to say to me before I start reading the paper?" We know there isn't - but that as soon as the man begins reading, his wife will think of something.
The cartoon is funny because people recognize their own experience in it. What's not funny is that many women are hurt when men don't talk to them at home, and many men are frustrated when they disappoint their partners without knowing why.
Rebecca, who is happily married, told me this is a source of dissatisfaction with her husband, Stuart. When she tells him what she is thinking, he listens silently. When she asks him what is on his mind, he says, "Nothing."
All Rebecca's life she has had practice in verbalizing her feelings with friends and relatives. But Stuart has had practice in keeping his innermost thoughts to himself. To him, like most men, talk is information. He doesn't feel that talk is required at home.
Yet many such men hold center stage in a social setting, telling jokes and stories. They use conversation to claim attention and to entertain. Women can wind up hurt that their husbands tell relative strangers things they have not told them.
To avoid this kind of misunderstanding, both men and women can make adjustments. A woman may observe a man's desire to read the paper without seeing it is a rejection. And a man can understand a woman's desire to talk without feeling it is a manipulative intrusion.
Orders vs. Proposals.
Diana often begins statements with "Let's." She might say "Let's park over there" or "Let's clean up now, before lunch."
This makes Nathan angry. He has deciphered Diana's "Let's" as a command. Like most men, he resists being told what to do. But to Diana, she is making suggestions, not demands. Like most women, she formulates her requests as proposals rather than orders. Her style of talking is a way of getting others to do what she wants - but by winning agreement first.
With certain men, like Nathan, this tactic backfires. If they perceive someone is trying to get them to do something indirectly, they feel manipulated and respond more resentfully than they would to a straightforward request.
Conflict vs. Compromise.
In trying to prevent fights, some women refuse to oppose the will of others openly. But sometimes it's far more effective for a woman to assert herself, even at the risk of conflict.
Dora was frustrated by a series of used cars she drove. It was she who commuted to work, but her husband, Hank, who chose the cars. Hank always went for cars that were "interesting" but in continual need of repair.
After Dora was nearly killed when her brakes failed, they were in the market for yet another used car. Dora wanted to buy a late-model sedan from a friend. Hank fixed his sights on a 15-year-old sports car. She tried to persuade Hank that it made more sense to buy the boring but dependable car, but he would not be swayed.
Previously she would have acceded to his wishes. This time Dora bought the boring but dependable car and steeled herself for Hanks' anger. To her amazement, he spoke not a word of remonstrance. When she later told him what she had expected, he scoffed at her fears and said she should have done what she wanted from the start if she felt that strongly about it.
As Dora discovered, a little conflict won't kill you. At the same time, men who habitually oppose others can adjust their style to opt for less confrontation.
When we don't see style differences for what they are, we sometimes draw unfair conclusions: "You're illogical," "You're self- centered," "You don't care about me." But once we grasp the two characteristic approaches, we stand a better chance of preventing disagreements from spiraling out of control.
Learning the other's ways of talking is a leap across the communication gap between men and women, and a giant step towards genuine understanding.

Narrative Therapy

Hmm, I have lots of thoughts on narrative therapy that are sparking in my head. So I thought I would share. This I guess, would be relevant to anyone who does counselling or works in a setting where they are helping others. (and ofcourse, i suppose you can use this technique with someone your trying to help). If you already dont know, narrative therapy is a technique which was created by Michael White. The purpose of this therapy is to 'create the life story' of the client and have them turn their problem into a character or give it some sort of identity. For those of you who are lost (if anyone even reads this).. i'll give you an example.. Lets say theres a 8 year old boy named Mark. Mark soils his bed and has been doing it for many years. Mark comes in to see me to discuss his soiling issue but he is hesitant to speak up about it. So, I suggest the idea that we call this problem 'Sneaky Poo'.. SNEAKY POO is a bad guy who makes Mark do things he shouldnt be doing at his age. Me and Mark will then create an illustration of his day by creating a comic book (which he would love).. In this comic strip, Mark is the hero and destroys Sneaky Poo and fights him off... and then, VICTORY.

It might sound a little weird, but it works! and I think one of the reasons why it works is because us humans find it easier sometimes to shift blame on to something else-- it makes dealing with the situation a little easier when you can look at the sitation and say 'the devil made me do it' or 'sneaky poo' made me do it. Thats why I think this technique really works!!

Sometimes, or in most cases.. its SOCIETY that is the 'devil'. For example, lets take Tara for example. Tara is suffering with anorexia.. well, shes anorexic because of the way society makes women look. She needs to be about 30 lbs less than her current weight.

Do you get where Im going with this? If not.. it doesnt matter..
Talking about this made me feel good. BYE :)

Water For Granted?

I've always thought about this for a while and its time I just let it out. If you're reading this from anywhere in the North America or in any other developed nations.. chances are good that you can easily go to your kitchen and get yourself a glass of clean, cool water. Right? Or if you've had a long stressful day.. you can come home to a nice warm bath... right?

Unfortunatley, that's not the case in some parts of the world. In such places, children have to walk miles and miles just to get a bucket of murky water.. Which they then have to carry back to their families. These families often have to go to the nearest body of water and bathe themselves there. Picture a swamp.. you wouldn't dare step foot in it.. but sometimes thats what people have to bathe in. Its hard to picture, given that we don't have such circumstances.. but it's real.. and it's happening in other countries out there.

As Canadians, we go swimming, play with water balloons, go to swimming lessons, have water parks, beautiful fountains to look at and various other activies in which we participate which have to do with water..........Which is fine and all, we have the luxury of water, so why wouldn't we?
But, a child in a non-developed country is literally dying to just have ONE sip of water.. but we are here PLAYING in water? making water balloon PRANKS out of water??.. We are so PRIVLEDGED!! We are so fortunate to have access to clean, drinking water.

We often take our water here for granted, but we shouldn't. SO, appreciate every sip of water you drink.. and when you're out there playing in water... remember that there is someone out there who would die for a sip of it. Just be thankful.. be grateful.. and give to others and charity when you can.

He Say, She Say

This is going to be a complete rant..

This is a situation that happened a couple months ago but it really irks me and is bothering me right now. So, what happened was that someone who is a lot older than me (who you would think would be mature and have better things to do) went and told somebody else something that I did not say.

A told B that I said I was going to marry C and move to his city.. or something of the sort..

Firstly, me and C are not together... nor have I once mentioned C's name to A!

B & C are good friends.. and so, C told me what had been said.......

Because C wants to maintain his friendship with B, I am sworn to not confront A about this.. and BOY am I itching.. but I won't.....ever.

I've tried to be civil with A and be normal with A aswell but its just too hard. I hate being fake and putting on a front because my face can easily tell if im uninterested. Im glad that A til this day doesnt know anything because I havent said anything... but if I didnt care about B & C's relationship...... I wouldve already said something.

Anyways, Im not about drama nor will I ever be.. but a girl has to vent. I wish I knew A's motives.. or why A would say such a thing because to me it makes no sense at all. Im just so confused... and its like Im in the dark.. I cant get any answers to the questions in my head...

But for the sake of C............ I put this fiasco to rest.. I am done with it now..... I just wish in the future people wouldnt make up bogus for no reason at all. Some people just dont make sense to me.

Patience

I have always been the impatient type. I like to do things quickly and get them over and done with. I normally don't have patience with anything but seniors and pets. Its true.

Have you met me a year ago, you would've wanted to punch me in my face... I would be the angry girl in traffic whose mad that she has to wait. However, a lot has changed from last year to now.. and boy am I ever glad!

They say that in life we are all here to learn lessons.. I really believe I have to learn patience.. and it really is the hardest lesson to learn! It seems that the biggest things that I want to happen in life are delayed because of this. My Dad is supposed to be home and we should have been moved into our new house years ago! But ofcourse- All in divine timing... which isn't probably this Fall now. The guy I was madly in love with always left me for months on end and then would return.. I would have to patiently wait for his return. Having my licence taken away from me now has left me to wait 90 days now until I can drive. I love driving! I have always been so independent, doing everything on my own.. driving myself everywhere.. and now- I have to wait to drive.

It is annoying but I've become so patient now that its all just funny to me. I learned to enjoy life and take the time to smell the roses. I believe everything happens for a reason. So bring on the time delays! Im ok with it.................

On that note, i'd like to share a story.. please read:

A NYC Taxi driver wrote:

I arrived at the address and honked the horn. After waiting a few minutes I honked again. Since this was going to be my last ride of my shift I thought about just driving away, but instead I put the car in park and walked up to the door and knocked.. 'Just a minute', answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor.

After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 90's stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940's movie.

By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets.

There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.

'Would you carry my bag out to the car?' she said. I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman.

She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb.

She kept thanking me for my kindness. 'It's nothing', I told her.. 'I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother to be treated.'

'Oh, you're such a good boy, she said. When we got in the cab, she gave me an address and then asked, 'Could you drive through downtown?'

'It's not the shortest way,' I answered quickly..

'Oh, I don't mind,' she said. 'I'm in no hurry. I'm on my way to a hospice.

I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening. 'I don't have any family left,' she continued in a soft voice..'The doctor says I don't have very long.' I quietly reached over and shut off the meter.

'What route would you like me to take?' I asked.

For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator.

We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl.

Sometimes she'd ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.

As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, 'I'm tired.Let's go now'.
We drove in silence to the address she had given me. It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico.

Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move.
They must have been expecting her.

I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.

'How much do I owe you?' She asked, reaching into her purse.

'Nothing,' I said

'You have to make a living,' she answered.

'There are other passengers,' I responded.

Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug.She held onto me tightly.

'You gave an old woman a little moment of joy,' she said. 'Thank you.'

I squeezed her hand, and then walked into the dim morning light.. Behind me, a door shut.It was the sound of the closing of a life..

I didn't pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day,I could hardly talk.What if that woman had gotten an angry driver,or one who was impatient to end his shift? What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away?
On a quick review, I don't think that I have done anything more important in my life.

We're conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments.

But great moments often catch us unaware-beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.

Police Brutality

Another article I read and here are my thoughts!

Click to see the article here ..I read it in the actual newspaper so it might differ.

Police corruption has always been a question on people's minds for a very long time and this is because the police are no longer citizens protecting citizens, they are citizens turned police officers. Police officers are now a group of citizens that join together and do as they are trained and sometimes more. The authority and higher power gets to the heads of the police officers and eventually they turn into different people. In this article, people are commenting on their personal views of the articles topic "Are police 'above the law?'" The Toronto Star is taking a stand and trying to see what people actually think about the topic of police corruption as it has always been in the hearts of everyone after hearing and seeing different situations so now they can speak on it and citizens don't have many nice things to say.

 People that have been through police corruption situations will not trust the police's word for anything. It is clearly shown in the article as everyone who has commented has commented against the police and believes that they do, in fact, believe they are above the law. The only person who didn't was an SIU Executive Officer who said that the "civilian agency" is doing a great job at keeping corruption away from police forces. However, two people decided to refute this and argued that this "civilian agency" he is talking about is made up of ex-police officers. Therefore, police officers are helping keep police forces clean? I don't think so - this seems more like a helping hand at keeping it "in the family." A women proclaimed that the police is sometimes untrained for situations that she caught herself in with her son being schizophrenic and being dying due to reasons that are undisclosed, however, she advises that the police are untrained for the mentally ill and act in ways that they act with citizens that are not mentally ill. The same website, hotline or meeting place can solve the issues of these people. They need to share their opinions and situations in order to make themselves feel they have left their mark and have done something to better society in a way. Just like many police forces have charities or organizations that promote different causes, they should have a cause for those who have been in situations of police corruption in order to show citizens that police officers are also aware of the corruption and there are good police officers out there. All these people are asking for is some gratitude and an apology, and these gestures can give them their safety back. For any professional representing these groups, they should be very careful in the context they address these people in. They are a sensitive group of people who feel they have been stripped of their safety because they have no 911 to call anymore simply because they don't trust 911. Use of terms, words and authority need to be carefully taken into consideration when addressing the issue of police corruption.

And this is not to say that all cops are bad either, but there are some rotten ones.. 

School Suspension

Don't mind the grammar, I have so much to say and I'm just going to go nuts on the keyboard.

Today, I read an article which discussed how many children in public schools are suspended far too many times and far too quickly. The fact that this article is even being issued is a great factor, it is paired with actual case studies of children who are outlining when and for what they were suspended for as well as outlining where they are now in life. Many of these students are in university and are off to being great young adults. One student outlined that he skipped class to attend a funeral and was suspended, another admit to smoking pot on school grounds and was still suspended. This causes confusion because it is to my understanding that missing class for a funeral is a legitimate excuse. The parents of the student should have been asked if this excuse was valid and therefore, the student would not have to be punished for something they did not lie about. Also, a child that admits should be rewarded not punished, if I were to tell the truth and got suspended anyways - next time, I would lie and maybe that would help me not get suspended. Children are sensitive, they are going through tough times, trying to find your identity, a nice boyfriend/girlfriend and good friends at the same time as studying and trying to get good grades is hard. The social aspect of school becomes way too much to deal with and kids often have their slips. The fact is schools are very quick to suspend children for things that aren't fair, it is the reason why the statistics of schools are slipping more and more every day.

In my opinion, I'd say that children should not be suspended for everything and anything they walk into the principal’s office with; if anything they should receive in-school punishment. Every school should employ a social worker (so not saying this for my own personal reasons ;) ) or someone with qualifications to deal with students who can talk with the student when they are suspended and hear their side of the story. Principals, vice-principals and teachers often have too much paperwork and other things to do so it is easy to just suspend them. Children should be sent to a social worker to discuss what they feel or what's been going on and a report should be attached to the students file to allow the other staff knows what these issues are. Every student is not the same and this is something students hate the most; they are individuals and are trying to make their own identities so grouping them together just makes them more angry. Work with the students not against them! If every student talks to a social worker than attends a classroom to do a couple of anger management or behavioural classes than suspension won't be like an early march break anymore - it'll be like school without a lunch break! Journalists need to keep tabs on statistics of schools, suspension rates and such so that staff of schools can be aware of the problems that are out here and maybe they will start changing their ways. Keeping school staff aware and keeping children in-school for suspensions is the way to go!

One Touch

This post is going to be a little different. If you read my previous posts about the guy I was in love with (Rob) then this may be of interest to you.

I'm blogging about (this) and other little experiences because they are still fresh in my head and I don't want to forget about them.

So this happened back in July of 2009. Me and Rob had been broken up for almost six months and were now meeting on our anniversary to watch fireworks. I drove to a city about an hour and 20 minutes away from where I live to finally meet him. At the time, Rob was working in a different city and was living there too.

I remember being nervous driving there... I didn't know what to expect. I knew our feelings for each other were deep because we had expressed to each other how much we cared and missed each other from being apart. I had not touched him, smelt him or been close to him in over six months but yet I still remembered unerringly how he smelt, exactly how every inch of his body felt and how my body reacted to his sweet, soft voice.

I was still madly in love with Rob at this point... I could not wait to see him!! I knew that unlike our two previous encounters, this one would be different.

Eventually I got to my destination and parked outside of a Taco Bell parking lot. Rob messaged me and said he would be on his way. I was wearing black jeans, a black tank and a black cardigan. I also had my mustard yellow purse with me that day. Looking back, I wondered why I wore all black on such a hot day.

I waited uncomplainingly until I saw Rob's car pull up beside mine. Oh my god...This is real. I was so nervous but I wouldn't let it show. I got out of my car, locked it and walked into Rob's car. We gave each other this clever smile we always gave each other when we knew what we were getting into. He commented on my bag and how ugly the colour was... I just laughed and changed the topic to something else.

Long story short-- We parked at a location and started to talk and watch the fireworks. The fireworks went on for a while but not once did we touch each other. Not even a hand on my leg or my hand on his shoulder. None. Zippo. After the fireworks, he drove us to a remote location where there was a pond and trees. I believe we were actually on someone's property; it looked like a farm house.

We talked, talked, and talked. (By the way- I could never get sick of talking to Rob or listening to his stories).We put on the radio and "Come on get higher" by Matt Nathanson came on... the words were telling our story while we sat in silence and listened.....

"I miss the sound of your voice
And I miss the rush of your skin
And I miss the still of the silence
As you breathe out and I breathe in"

It was just so ironic and I think we both felt it.. He leaned in a bit closer and for the first time in six months... We collided. Our bodies touched. And what happened was the most remarkable feeling I have ever, ever felt. I actually felt like we were two pieces of wax with heat between us and we just melted. Whether he felt it or not, I'm not sure. It was just too physically powerful for me to ignore. Essentially, I melted in his arms. I wasn't feeling things that were not happening... It was such an amazing feeling that words do no justice. The chemistry between us was just so strong and it was all just so perfect. I didn't have any butterflies... Nor was I nervous. It’s like my body was craving him and it was finally just so happy to be near him. I didn't understand it... But I just chopped it up to "love".

I don't know if anyone even reads this blog... But I would like to know if anyone else has ever experienced this before too? I know I can't be the only one.

Love & Chemistry

I am attracted to you
Like an electron to a proton
Together we form an ionic bond
Though we are opposite charged ions
I am drawn towards you

 Our love is unique as an orbital
For only two electrons can fill this space
As my love for you increases
My energy level rises
I am in this excited state

Increasing the tendency to form a chemical bond
I was an element
It took you to make me a compound substance
Falling in love with you is a chemical reaction
Which cause my love for you to grow
Ours is an exothermic love
Each for giving off love not just absorbing it

Sometimes you do something especially nice
Which speeds up the chemical process
Like a catalyst in my increasing love for you

I realise we have our inhibition periods
And sometimes I am selfish enough
To be an endothermic reaction
Only absorbing your love

The feeling I have for you is so intense
It cannot be measured in kilojoules
Often I have to make a qualitative elementary analysis
To understand and love you more

But I don't expect to know your empirical formula
You are too complex a person for that
When you are gone
I am a noble gas
An inert substance
When I am without you
The world seems still
And I am at equilibrium

Get To Know Anne

1. Are you a boy or girl? Girl

2. How old are you? 23

3. What is your Chinese Zodiac sign? A Snake

4. What is your Zodiac sign? Gemini

5. Who is your best friend? My best friend is my best friend

6. Who are your favourite actor[s] that you think is hot? Ryan Gosling & Channing Tatum

7. Who is your favourite actress? Dakota Fanning

8. Who is your favourite band? Boys II Men ?

9. Who do you love the most? Hmm...............

10. What is your favourite colour(s)? I like all colours.

11. Would you give up everything you had for your soul mate? Probably... Depends.

12. Are you single? Yes

13. What if you met your soul mate at the wrong time? Then hes not my soul mate.

15. If you could have one fictional characters mind for a day, who would it be and why? Spiderman.. because i'd have spidey senses.

16. If you could be a magical creature, what would you be? Dont Know.

17. Jacob Black or Edward Cullen? None of the above

18. Twilight or Harry Potter? Harry Potter

19. Burn in the sun or Sparkle? Sparkle

20. Would you go all the way on the first date? Never

21. Thing you hate about boys' appearances nowadays? Jeans so baggy their boxers show. Ew.

22. Hug or Kiss? Hugs are more sincere

23. If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go? I'd like to go to New Zealand and to Bora Bora, oh and Egypt.

24. Imagine. It is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, and you hear someone walking around outside your window. Who do you call? Whoever is in the house with me.. if Im alone probably my brothers.

25. What have you been thinking about lately? What Im going to do to occupy myself now that Im car-less for 3 months

26. If you could be in your dream place at the moment, what would you be doing? Hmm.. I would be with him right now having a good conversation.

27. If somebody was describing your personality what would they say? That Im very positive, selfless and easy to get along with.

28. What gives you butterflies in your tummy? Ummmmmmm... I think only one person has that effect on me.. so HIM.

29. If you could have an endless supply of any food, what would you get? Easy. Buffalo Chicken Sandwich, DUH. Or-- extra cheesy nachos with extra sour cream. oh and Gingerale if possible.

30. If you were an animal, what would you be and why? An owl. Because I get to quietly observe everything and everyone without saying anything. And I got a birds eye view ;)

31. When you were little, who was your favourite super hero and why? Cant remember. Care Bears?

32. What's your favourite thing to do in the summer? Try new things

33. If they made a movie of your life, what would it be about and which actor would you want to play you? It would be about how random my life is.. how lucky i am at times and how unlucky I am.

34. If you were an ice cream flavour, which one would you be and why? Vanilla. Because Im quite simple.

35. What's your favourite cartoon character, and why? Umm I cant think of one, sorry

36. Are you a morning or night person? Night. My brain is so active in the night, I think about the coolest things.

37. What are your favourite hobbies? Listening to music for sure.

38. What are your pet peeves or interesting things about you that you dislike? Sometimes Im a little impatient (I have gotten A LOT better), Im too trusting and I forgive way to easily-- yes those are things about myself that I dislike.

40. If someone made a movie of your life would it be a drama, a comedy, a romantic-comedy, action film, or science fiction? Romantic Comedy I guess..

41. If you were a comic strip character, who would you be and why? I dont know.

42. What thought or message would you want to put in a fortune cookie? Be grateful for the fortune cookie you just ate and for having hands to crack it. :)

43. If you had to give up a favourite food, which would be the most difficult to give up? BCS

44. What is one food you'd never want to taste again? Cant think of one

45. If you won a lottery ticket and had a million dollars, what would you do with it? Pay any bills I have firstly. Buy myself a nice car.. donate to the humane society (seriousley) and then buy my loved ones things that they have always wanted :):) -- oh and maybe invest it in something that will grow a lot of money.

46. You've been given access to a time machine. Where and when would you travel to? Back to when my Dad was a child, I would love to see how he was and see my grandparents.

47. If you could be any superhero and have super powers, which one would you like to have and why? To be invisible

48. What do you think about the most? The most randomest things.. I think about how things evolved.. I think about how my day went.. New technology that would be cool.... etc.........

49. If you could transport yourself anywhere instantly, where would you go and why? To Italy. I miss it so much

50. In your opinion, which animal is the best (or most beautiful) and why? I think all animals are beautiful in their own way. However, I love dogs. I think they are so loyal and sweet!

51. What is one item that you really should throw away, but probably never will? My old journals and notebooks

52. Growing up, what were your favourite toys to play with as a child? My unicorn stuffed animal and cars... ( I grew up with two brothers)

53. Who is the most relevant person in our time? Theres more than one.

54. What is the title of the best book you have ever read? The Alchemist

55. What is the name of the best movie you have ever seen? Man on fire............ The notebook, I dont know

56. What comes to mind first when you hear the word "reality"? "Back to life, back to reality"

57. What is the most beautiful thing about people? Their spirit, their personalities.. their ambition.

58. What is the most nicest thing you have ever done for someone? Too many to count

59. If you could change one thing about yourself what would you change? Why? Physically, I wouldnt change anything. BUT- I wish I knew how to say no to people sometimes.

60. What is the ugliest thing you know? Selfishness...........

61. What do you like to do most with a free hour?  Surf the internet, read a book...

62. What is the most significant event of the last three months? HA- My DUI :( THIS TOO SHALL PASS :)

63. What was the best day of your life? Hmm.. Theres many. A day in 2007, When I met two of my favorite rappers, Swimming with dolphins, Graduation, Seeing my Dad after so long... a lot of things.

64. On what basis do you select your friends? I dont know...

65. What is the most sweetest thing someone has told you? That they wish their daughter grows up to be like me.. and that I was raised very well. :)

66. What is the greatest problem in your life? Umm- That time is not moving fast enough. Day 4 of 90.

67. What thing makes you most humble? Everything and Everyone

68. What is the greatest value that guides your life? Happiness

69. If you could smash one thing and one thing only, what would you smash? Umm not sure.. nothing I can think of.

70. What is the greatest crime one person can commit against another? Murder.

71. For what do you think you would be willing to lay down your life? A lot of things

72. What do you feel when you stand on the shore of the ocean? Fear that I may fall in

73. If you were to stay in a room with one person for a year who would it be? Him.

74. What sound would you use to sleep? The sound of my fan

75. If an atomic bomb were to explode a block away in ten minutes, what would you do for those ten minutes?: Run

77. Choose a word that best describes your life up to this moment? Unpredictable.

78. What is the most beautiful thing you have ever seen? Life.

79. What is your biggest worry? Haaaaaa....... I have many worries...

80. What do people like best about you? I think people like that Im always positive and Im a free spirit- regardless of what life throws at me.

81. What do you think of when you think of tragedy? Death.

82. What skill do you need in order to succeed? Optimism

83. What talent should you develop? Dont Know

84. Choose a word to describe a sunset? Relaxing

85. When do you feel most lonely? Well I felt very lonely when I got my DUI and was sitting in my room.. alone, with nothing to do.

86. Choose a word you to describe the elderly population? CUTE and wise :)

87. What future discovery do you anticipate the most? The cure for Cancer, MS and other deadly diseases.

88. What is the greatest music ever composed? Hip-Hop.. Duh

89. Did you, as a child, ever run away from home? Nope.

90. What’s your favourite drink? Gingerale

91. The best day this month? Its only the third day into this month.. so i'll pass.

92. If you were a car, what would you be and why? A Honda Civic....... Reliable and im not high maintenence :D

93. What was your favourite food as a child? Do you eat it now? weirddddddd- but I made my own recipe.. taking peanut butter on bread and sprinkling sugar.... no I dont eat it anymore

94. Share a quirky habit you have. How long have you had it? I have 40540450 Quirky habits..

95. Have you ever been told you look like someone famous? Yes....but Im also modest ;)

96. What's the worst thing you did as a little kid? wipe my boogers on grass

97. I really crack up when... Im not supposed to be laughing but I do

98. What was your most memorable birthday? My 23rd was pretty memorable :)

99. Favourite TV show? Too many

100. Favourite character from that show? ........

101. Favourite country besides your own? Italy

102. Favourite person? Ou- I have about 3 of them..........

103. What is your name? Anne

Rome, Italy

Ah! My favorite country-- ITALY!

When we arrived at Italy we fell in love instantly! We took a bus from the FCO Airport to Roma. MAN oh man was the bus ride a heart attack waiting to happen! The driver was nuts! My friend Lola and I joked that he was heart broken and taking it out on us (he was listening to sad love songs and driving wrecklessly) we nick named him RUTHLESS.

When we got to the Termini Station, we walked to our Hotel because we ALWAYS do. Yes, we were super frugal and proud :).. Ofcourse the walk was FOREVER but isnt it always?...for us- atleast.

So, we get to our hotel and we hated it. Hated it so much that we spend the entire first day looking for a new hotel... and then we found one :) Hotel Amafi or something.

Anyways, we went to The Spanish Steps, Threw a coin into the Fontana Di Trevi (my dream!), Saw the Colesseum and ate Italian Cuisine. We also visited Piaza Vinetzia (or however you spell it) everyday because we had to walk past it to get to our hotel. I was on cloud 9!

Not to mention- we saw the Pantheon :)

Rome is absolutley STUNNING! The architecture, the ruins, the history just everything about it tells its own story. We were convinced that giants existed as well as dragons. Why? well, the door handles are sky high, the buildings are HUGE, the doors are ENORMOUS and we saw dungeons where dragons could have lived.................err... or maybe we have big imaginations.

Italians are so nice and not to mention- beautiful. I didnt understand, every person we walked past was so attractive. Is there something in the water they drink?

Monte Carlo, Monaco

                                             The Monte Carlo Casino From The Outside

Monaco is the wealthiest country in the world, and its easy to tell once you get there.
Their street clocks are rolex clocks and the country is so well kept!
The locals drive nothing less than a Buggati or Rolls Royce. Im serious!
Everyone dresses in suits and the police officiers look like they belong at the Buckingham Palace in London. Everything is just so extreme and beautiful.

We went to the city Monte Carlo, where the Prince of Monaco lives and where the world famous Monte Carlo Casino is.

We walked into the Monte Carlo Casino and were left speechless. The security is intense and the amount of people who were standing outside admiring the Grand Prix Vehicles was just too much.
When we entered, we had to check in our purses and cameras.
Dammit, now we cant take pictures inside the casino! I thought to myself.
We had to show our passports and pay 20 Euros just to get into the Casino, but it was well worth it.

When we got into the Casino portion, it was like a scene from Oceans Eleven, but better!
The architecture is just amazing, the paintings in the casino were beautiful and did I mention the staff at Monte Carlo? They are so professional and spify.

When we walked towards the tables, we were greeted by the dealers who looked like they were ready to go to the alter for their own wedding. They were dressed ever so well! Everyone was standing around with drinks in their hands and quietly gambing.

Its  not like your usual Casino, its very quiet at Monte Carlo. Everything is private and tailored for you!

Anyways, let me cut to the best part.. the WASHROOMS!

I kid you not- the washroom doors are made of GOLD and the floors have crystals in them. The toilets are just amazing! When you flush the toilet (by waving your hand) the seat spins around and scrubs the entire seat, dries it and tells you to have a nice day. Im not joking.

Everything in Monte Carlo is just GRAND...........loved it! Would go back again :)

Nice, France

                                Beautiful Nice, can you spot the Lighthouse that I spoke of?

When we arrived at the airport in Nice, I just knew we were going to love it.

We were greeted by the French Alps which we could see in the distance, it was breathtaking.

We found it amazing how different South France is from Paris. Nice had palm trees, warm weather, the hot sun, metitreanean sea! and lots of friendly people.

We got into our hotel, changed into our dresses and ran to the sea. Oh, the sea was breathe taking! It was blue and green. It looked like a big jolly rancher drink, you just want to drink it. It was salty too.

We had gelato, went to the waterfall, went to the old village and walked along the beach. We walked on our feet from one end of Promenade De Anglais to the other end. I kid you not.

One day at the Sea, me and Lola spotted a cute red lighthouse at the end of the coast. It seemed to be very far away but we were on a mission to get to that darn light house. We walked along the shore all the way to the light house. It took us a long, long time but we made it. Once we got there, we had to walk across a very thing board walk over the water. We were petrified. It was so windy on that end of the coast and we thought if we walked across, we would definitley fall into the Sea.

I spotted a ladder then went down and so we took the risk to go down it to get towards the light house without having to walk across the board walk. It may have been one of the scariest moments in my life, but we did it anyway and we finally got down.

Once we got there, we realized that it was deserted and no one was on the end of the coast. We were LITERALLY on the edge of Nice. It was super windy and the tides from the Sea came up so high that it was impossible to not get wet. We were so scared for our lives in that moment that we decided to quickly take a picture by the light house and RUN for our lives.

And so we did...

Almost every night we went to Waynes Bar which is one of the most famous Bars in Nice. The music there is AMAZING and the staff is so nice!! We ate nachos, drank beer and just had a good time.

There are many other memories, but obviousley I'm way too lazy..

Ok bye.

Paris, France

This is the picture of the Eiffel Tower that I took on DAY 2 @ The Eiffel Tower

After our 8 hour flight, we were so glad to get off the airplane!
We landed at Charles De Geau Airport in Paris and made our way to retrieve our luggages.
We had no sense of direction and no idea where to go so we just followed other people to see where they would be going. A lot of them were walking outside towards a bus stop, and so we did the same. We started asking people around how to get to our Hostel Area, and they said we had to take a bus that got off at the Opera Station.

To our surpise, there were only two other people in the bus. They happened to be from the same city as us back in Canada! It was an older couple, they were very sweet.

We got off at Opera Station and walked down to our Hostel which we thought was only a couple footsteps away. Were we ever wrong! I swear to you- we walked over 30-40 minutes before we got ot our Hostel. It was from one end of the street to the other!! I believe it was called Rue De Fayette!

To make matters worse, Lola's luggage wheel broke off so we had to keep stopping to fix her luggage wheels every couple minutes. Then, to my surpise.. Lola fell in the middle of the street. It was VERY funny. It also rained and poured on us. We were thinking: Could it get any worse?

The streets and architecture in Paris was nice, I guess.

Anyways, we got to our Hostel... Went to the Eiffel Tower, Moulin Rouge, Arc De Triumphe and all the stuff you do when your in Paris.

BUT- I must say (and I speak for Lola too) We DO NOT like Paris. There is nothing special about it, at all. Ouuuu The Eiffel Tower, yeah its just a building thats tall.. its not even that beautiful. Ok- fine, its beautiful but its not as glorious as it seems. It is surreal to stand infront of it and to actually see it.

We literally saw the Eiffel Tower and left. The locals are racist and are not kind at all.

The best part of Paris for me was The Louvre. Seeing Mona Lisa- THEEE Mona Lisa, was SURREAL! I couldnt believe I was standing right infront of it.

And thats all Im going to say for Paris, theres obviousley 500 more things that happened but we'll just leave it to that..

OH but the french baguettes are to die for!

Europe: The Draw & The Decision

In April, My really good friend Lola and I decided one day that we would just go to Europe. The plan was spontaneous and we really did no thinking or planning at all. We literally sat in the room, had a bunch of countries written out on peices of paper.. and picked out the countries & cities we were to visit. We got: France, Greece and Italy.

We decided that we were ok with everything except for Greece considering there was a riot at the time that was happening there. We cut our Greece and picked something else instead ( I cant remember)... Maybe Croatia?

Anyway, we ended up going to:

Paris, France
Orly, France
Nice, France (South of France)
Monte Carlo, Monaco
Rome, Italy

So there we had it, three countries and 4 places to visit... we booked our ticket almost immeditely and then waited.......................

On the day of our departure (April 17) we wrote our LAST college exam ever. There was no better way to celebrate than to hit the airport right after and fly into Paris!

Catharsis

If you haven't already figured.. Writing (whether its blogging or writing letters) is so cathartic for me. I find that whenever Im upset i'll write out a letter to myself or to the person whose bothering me. Often, I burn the letter or destroy it some how. However, there have been times where I actually give the letter to the person.

I think writing releases a lot of emotions and a lot of weight comes off our shoulders. Although it may not solve our problems, it definitley helps for us to see what exactly about the problem it is thats bothering us. Sometimes we get so caught up and angry that we dont even know why were mad. I find that when I write, I am able to see what exactly happened that lead me to being angry.

I would recommend everyone to either get a journal, a journal app on your phone, a notebook or even a memopad in your blackberry in which you write down what happens in your day or what went well and what didnt. Sometimes you'll begin to see a pattern form.

I facilitate a Girls Group at a local high school and when we started from day 1, I gave the girls their own journals in which they would write everything that happens in their day. At the end of the program, they all said they felt much, much better having a release. So much goes on in our day and everything eventually piles up.. writing takes all that weight off our heads and puts it onto something more tangible.

Whether you burn, rip, destroy or keep the paper is up to you.. but you will find that writing is so cathartic. Try it!

Music

I LOVE Music. Its everything to me.
I listen to and appreciate all genres of music. Im more of a lyrics kind of girl as opposed to a beat girl. By that I mean, Im not into what the song really sounds like but more about the meaning of the song and lyrics. A lot of my favorite songs are my favorites because I can either:
a) relate to them very well
b) I appreciate the meaning of it even though I cant quite relate to it. It must be very strong.

 I appreciate singer and song writers because they write their own songs and it comes from their own personal experiences, theres always a story and a lot of emotion behind their own songs. One of my favorite Singer and Song-Writers is Tracy Chapman.

I also believe that you can tell a lot about a person by what music they listen to. But maybe its just me...

Here are some of my favorite songs, and you'll notice how they differ in terms of genre.

This Womans Work- Maxwell
Karma Police- Radiohead
Fast Car-Tracy Chapman
If Not Now- Tracy Chapman
Crash Into Me- Dave Matthews Band
With or Without You- U2
Closer To My Dreams-Goapele
No Greater Love- Blu
Enchantment- Corrine Bailey Rae
Beautiful- IMX
You're The Inspirtation- Chicago
Gravity- John Mayer
Stop This Train- John Mayer
I Don't Trust Myself- John Mayer
Sideways- Citizen Cope
Dead Presidents 3- Jay-Z
The Light- Common
No Ordinary Love- Sade
Go- Common
Look After You- The Fray
Over My Head- The Fray
Message In A Bottle- The Police ft. Sting - Also love John Mayers cover on it
Candy Rain- Soul For Real
Warning Sign- Coldplay
Trouble-Coldplay
The Hardest Part- Coldplay
Fix You- Coldplay
The Scientist- Coldplay
Twisted- Keith Sweat
Angel- Jack Johnson
Better Together- Jack Johnson
Iris- Goo Goo Dolls
Wonderful Tonight- Eric Clapton
California Dreaming- The Mamas and Papas
Hotel California- The Eagles
Californication- Red Hot Chilli Peppers
Water Runs Dry- Boys II Men
On Bended Knee- Boys II Men
Close To You- Maxi Priest
He Say, She Say- Lupe Fiasco
You vs Them- Jhene Aiko
Electric Relaxation- Tribe Called Quest
The Girl- City and Color
Allure- Jayz
Hey Jude- The Beatles
If I Ruled The World- Nas Lauryn Hill
Imagine- John Lennon
Always- Bon Jovi
Jazzy Belle- Outkast
Do For Love- Tupac
Unconditional Love- Tupac
Kryptonite- 3 Doors Down
Losing My Religion- REM
Maybe Im Amazed- Paul McCartney
More Than Words-Exreme
You Got Me- The Roots
River Of Dreams- Billy Joel
Shes Always A Woman To Me- Billy Joel
When You Love Someone- Bryan Adams
Slippin'-DMX
Video Games- Lana Del Ray
The Way You Do The Things You Do- UB40
Champagne Supernova- Oasis

...And I LOVE OLDIES!

Unicorns?

If you havent already realized by now.. I think a lot! And about random things too...

When I was in my grade 10 Chemistry class, I was in a heated debate against my whole classroom on whether or not Unicorns exist.

Ok-  I dont know if I wanted to believe they were alive because when I was young I had this Unicorn plush toy that I slept with everyday--- or if I just felt that they really did exist. Whatever it was, something always made me believe that they did in fact exist.

Think about it- has one single person ever travelled all four corners of the universe, climed every mountain or searched in every field to say that they do not exist? I dont think so.

I can see how its impossible for them to fly, given that they weigh a lot. Fine. But, I really do think there are horses out there with horns on the front of their head. I really do. What if Rhinos are just fat Unicorns? Hmm

I dont know where Im going with this but there is a huge possibility that unicorns exist. There are so many species of animals living on uncharted places in the world that still live undiscovered... there is a chance. After all, it is just a horse with a horn jutting out of its forehead. There are whales with a horn growing from their face, so why can't there be horses? Even if they don't exist on Earth, there is a chance of them existing on other unknown planets. Even if they don't exist now, they at least used to.

And that makes me wonder.. what if theres a secret land out there has all these mystical creatures? Hmm, that would be quite interesting!!

White Mocha Latte

I had just graduated from high school, summer of 2007. I had also just let go of my two-year relationship with one of my good friends from high school earlier that year. There were many reasons why I let him go. I looked at him as more of a friend than a boyfriend. We got along really well, but I knew it wasn’t the way love was supposed to feel; I felt as if it should feel more magical, make me do crazy things I thought I would never do. I wasn’t expecting to find someone, I thought I’d be single for a while, and then maybe one day, closer to marriage time, I’d find him.

It was common for people in my age group at that time to be drinking and partying. It wasn’t something I had quite experienced. So for the first time, I was going to do both at once. It was a Sunday night. Canada Day, to be exact. My friends and I headed to downtown Toronto to book a hotel for later that night.

We pulled up to a tall building that had a letter “S” on it; it stood for Sheraton, Sheraton Town Centre. We unpacked the few items we had brought and began to get ready. Drinks were being poured and everyone seemed to be having a great time. I went for my first drink – it was Smirnoff mixed with cranberry juice.

I was disgusted by the smell of it as I brought the glass closer to my face; my nose crinkled as an obvious sign that I wasn’t looking forward to taking in whatever was in the glass, but I did anyway. It was followed by a couple more drinks, until I felt a little wobbly. I think I was drunk for the first time, and I finally knew what it felt like.

I stepped out the hotel room and we were on our way to Metro nightclub.

As we approached the line up, there were many people lined up and being very loud, it wasn’t something I was used to seeing. It was now my turn to show my fake ID; I was eighteen years old at the time. I passed my ID to the bouncer and looked down, hoping he wouldn’t realize the girl in the ID looked nothing like me.

He didn’t.

He passed me 'my' ID and let me go in. I could hear the music pumping and see the lights flashing. It was a whole new world I had stepped into. The alcohol in my body made me want to move to the music, it was almost impossible to stand still. I was familiar with a lot of all of the songs that were being played so I sang along and moved. I was having a great time.

So this is what it’s all about? I thought to myself. This is clubbing, what everyone always talks about?

It didn’t seem all that exciting to me. It was fun but I wasn’t used to being in a place so crowded with intoxicated strangers. I kind of felt unsafe, but I tried to have as much fun as I could. I could feel my body loosening up and realized that I was clearly drunk.

I walked around, looking for my friends, meanwhile my eyes were glued on to one particular guy. I opened my eyes wider to take a better look at him. He was so pleasant to look at. He was of a medium build, with short spiky hair and fair skin. He was wearing a striped navy blue dress shirt, a silver chain around his neck, and a pair of sunglasses over his eyes.

Yes, sunglasses on inside a club.

Maybe his future is too bright? Hmm, What A guy.

Of course, the alcohol in my system gave me the courage to approach him.

It all happened so fast I didn’t have time to think of what to say or do, so I gently hit him with my fist and said, “You’re really cute.”

He just looked at me, laughed a little, and walked away.

What the hell did I just do? Why did I touch him? Whats wrong with me? Im so stupid.

That was all I was thinking to myself. For some strange reason when he walked away, I walked up after him and told him not to go. I have no idea what possessed me as I was a very shy person. He said he would come back and meet me in a few minutes or so. After walking around for a while longer, we bumped into each other again.

I asked him what his name was, he responded with “Kulwinder” – that’s what I heard, at least. We began having basic conversation and I began to realize that he is a lot like me, I even felt sober talking to him. It was so easy to talk to him and something told me I had to whip up anything I could say and continue to get to know him.

 

The first question I asked him was, “Tupac or Biggie?”

From there on we asked each other about other music artists that we liked, including Immortal Technique. I was quite impressed with his music taste, it was an added bonus. We sat down for a while and kept conversing. He pulled out his Motorola Razor phone and asked me what my number was; I grabbed his phone to type in my own number and saw a picture of an Elmo toy as his background (he claimed it was his nephews).

I called my number and closed his phone.

I dont know what it was about him but I felt so good around this man. Even having his arm on me gave me chills. What has this man done to me? I've only known him for about 25 minutes.

Eventually, I introduced him to my friends, and asked him and his friends to come back to our hotel to hang out with us. They said they would let us know. Me and my friends left and headed back to our hotel. I was so excited about meeting Kulwinder that I had a huge smile on my face on the walk back. As soon as we got into our room, I ran to check my phone to see if he had called more than once.

And he did!

I called back and he asked for the room number. I gave it and I hung up and jumped for joy. I told my friends that Kulwinder and his buddies were on their way over. We all quickly changed into our pajamas and washed our faces. Me and my friends went to the elevator and waited for them. We heard a loud noise in the elevator – it was the sound of a beer bottle that dropped and broke in the elevator – and of course... it was them!

When the door opened, there he was in a green and white Celtics jersey and jean shorts, looking cute as ever. We led them to our room and we all hung out and talked. Since the room was now crowded and it was difficult to talk to him, I asked Kulwinder if he wanted to go downstairs and walk around, and he agreed.

We left the room and went downstairs. I was wearing my purple Mickey Mouse t-shirt. Oh, how I wish I had brought a different shirt. We decided to explore the hotel since it was really big and had a lot of different things. Kulwinder had to use the restroom so we tried to look for a bathroom but couldn’t. We asked a maintenance worker where the washrooms were, and he showed us a narrow hallway that lead to a small washroom.

He went in, and came back out.

I dont know what it was about his presence but it made me feel so childlike. I wanted to be my weird self and not filter anything around him.

We were very tired by now because it was close to 4 am so we sat down on an orange couch right in front of a mini waterfall. We began asking each other questions and getting to know each other better. He asked me how old I was, and I told him I was 18 years old. He was 21.

Hmm, 3 years older than me.. That can`t be too bad.

He took off his earrings, handed them to me and layed down because he was really tired. He asked me to play with his hair. Normally, I wouldve thought it was an odd request.. considering I just met him but for some reason I just felt so comfortable with him. Like, I know him from another lifetime. I agreed and began stroking his hair.

Eventually, his friends came and they all were ready to head back home. I walked him to the exit and he was standing by his white rental Ford, ready to go. I gave him a hug and said goodbye, asking him if I would ever see him again.

“You’re too young for me,” he replied, and then he left.

I was a bit sad because within the hour or two that I was around him, I really enjoyed it. I wanted to get to know him better.

I kept his water bottle with me. I was sad to see him go but something told me it wouldn’t be the last time I saw him. Why would I keep this man`s water bottle? I'm not sure-- I think I sensed that he would be something special to me one day and this water bottle would represent the first time I ever met him.

I text messaged Kulwinder the next day to make sure he got home okay. From there on, we began texting each other a lot, about every single detail in our everyday lives. He lived about 40 minutes away from me. Every time my phone vibrated, I would expect it to be a message from him. I would wake up every morning with my eyes half-closed, searching for my phone all over my bed just to see if I had a missed called or a message received from him. I was consumed by this man, already.

We would talk on the phone every night until we fell asleep on the phone. We would talk about childhood stories, the events in our day, tv shows and we would even try to have freestyle battles over the phone. I sucked.

I remember I woke up one morning so excited to start my day. I was all smiles and bubbly. I was skipping around the house instead of walking, and talking so much even my mom was starting to question what it was that had her daughter feeling so uplifted. I got dressed later on that day and went off to work.

I blushed everytime I would see a message from him. His messages were always so sarcastic and witty. Oh, how I love his sense of humor. I always responded to his wit with clever responses myself.

At the time, I worked at an urban clothing store called XTC. I went to work that morning and did the usual – helping and cashing customers out. I remember the songs that came out that summer because our store always played the latest music. I hummed the beat to Shawty by Plies to myself as I was folding and putting away clothes. I felt my phone vibrate and went to go pick it up.

I took out my phone to see that it was my friend, Teresa, calling. I quickly picked up the phone to hear what she had to say. Teresa had asked me to come over to see her and maybe later on we would plan to go out to a local club called Body English. After work finished, I hurried home to change my clothes and go over to Teresa’s house.

When I arrived, I greeted her parents and ran up to Teresa’s room. I walked in and closed the door behind me. I sat down on the bed and told Teresa everything about Kulwinder and how excited I was to be talking to him. While she was putting on her make-up, she kept up with the questions about him.

“Why don’t you ask him to come to the club tonight?” she asked.

I don’t know why I didn’t think of it myself, but she was right. Why don’t I invite him?

So I did just that.

He told me he would definitely stop by. I was thrilled!

This would be the first time I would see Kulwinder after the night I met him.

Teresa and I arrived at the club and met up with a couple of our friends. We had a drink or two and danced for a bit. Less than halfway through the night, I got a phone call from Kulwinder; he said he was parked outside of the club in a white vehicle.

I was so nervous, I felt like I had to puke. I could feel the butterflies in my belly fluttering all around. I was ready to back down because I was feeling so nervous. I told my friends that I was leaving and began making my way out of the club towards the door.

What am I doing? I’m meeting up with a total stranger. I’ve never done this before. He could turn out to be a serial killer. You don’t even know him all that well.

It was all I could think as I approached the white vehicle.

The glare from the headlights of the car made it hard for me to see his face as I was walking, but I knew that meant he could see every inch of me clearly. I opened the door and sat inside. There he was, looking flawless just as I remembered him. He was wearing a white zip-up with the word Enyce written on his left upper side in colorful letters. It also seemed as if he had shaved recently, he looked very clean.

I reached over and gave him a quick hug. We made small talk and had a conversation going from the second I stepped into the car. It felt so easy, so natural. I wasn’t afraid anymore, I wasn’t nervous that I was in a car with a stranger. I felt safe.

I was wearing a bright blue cotton tube top with light blue jeans and white earrings. I also had two necklaces that looked like they were made out of plastic bags around my neck. I had gotten them when I entered the club. I took one off and put it around his neck. I guess I thought that would break the ice or something, I’m not too sure why I did it.

We drove around for a bit and ended up stopping at a park near his sister’s house. The CD that he had been playing was very soothing. It had most of my favorite slow songs on it. The track changed and One Day You’ll Be Mine by Usher came on.

Hmm, is he subliminally trying to tell me something? Am I seeing a soft side of this man?

Kulwinder began singing along with the song, it was very cute. I was impressed. While we were listening to the music, he took out his driver’s license to show me his picture. I looked below to the name and it said Robin Henry.

It didn’t make sense to me.

Who was Rob? I thought his name was Kulwinder? What the---

He looked at my puzzled face and began to laugh. He explained to me that his name was Rob but I heard wrong in the club and began calling him Kulwinder, he thought it was funny and decided not to correct me. He told me I could call him Rob because that’s what everyone called him. I didn’t question him, it made complete sense. For some weird reason, I trusted him already.

We carried on a conversation and got even closer. Eventually, I ended up right beside him near his seat. I lied down in his arms and listened to music. I could feel the warmth of his body and the scent of his skin, mm it was so sweet. He pulled me a little closer and asked me to listen to the words of a song that was playing. It was Sunshine by Lupe Fiasco. The words were sweet and seemed to go with our story about how we met. I looked up at his brown eyes and smiled. I knew we was trying to subliminally trying to tell me that he was beginning to have feelings for me. I felt as if I already had this man figured out. He was very mysterious and closed off but his actions and subliminal cues showed me that he cared for me a lot, already. I felt the same.

There was a feeling I would get every time I looked directly into his eyes.I was unable to keep eye contact for a long time. He knew it, I was too shy. I would turn around or look somewhere else. The feeling I would get looking into his eyes was almost magical. It was too intense and I couldn't handle it-- I just could not keep up a stare into his beautiful eyes. He looked down at me in his arms and came closer. Before I could even think of anything to say or process what was happening, he leaned in closer and kissed me.

His soft lips on my lips, it felt so right. I took in the scent of his body and it intensifed our first kiss. How does this man already consume me? His body was so warm, his lips were so smooth and the kiss was just perfect. I could hear Ashanti’s Rescue Me playing in the background. The moment was just so right. I took off my earrings and placed them down on the seat next to me and continued kissing him, it was just so much fun. The night went on with the exchange of many childhood stories and kisses. By the time the night had ended for us, I felt like I had only been with him for two minutes. Time just flew right by us.

I didn't want to leave this man, I just wanted to sit with him and talk to him for hours. The reason why I was so attracted to him was because he stimulated my mind, he was intelligent. I loved talking to him about anything and everything. The night ended and we parted our ways.

I went home that night and ofcourse- text him. Needless to say, I went to bed with the biggest grin and hugged myself from happiness. Ive never felt so happy in my life before. It was so simple but just perfect.

Days went by and we started to meet up more often. I had never drove on the highway but Rob lived so far away that if I wanted to see him, I would have to learn to drive on the highway.

"Ah, I dont think I can do it. Are there any inner streets I can take?" I asked

"No, just do it. I'll stay on the phone and guide you" He urged me.

He was sometimes kind of bossy, but I liked it for some odd reason. Its like he owned me and I was always willing to obey.

I proceeded towards the highway and anxiousley got onto the ramp. I drove and drove for what seemed like a thousand miles and finally made my way to him. I realized when I pulled up to this street to see him sitting on a basketball in his driveway, that it was so worth the drive!

I've drove on the highway for the first time! Thanks to this man.

God, hes so beautiful.

I stepped out of my car and made my way towards him. We spent the whole day together talking and getting to know eachother better. I felt at ease with this man and I couldnt understand how I felt this way so soon. I knew he felt the same so I wasn't too worried.

I remembered one day in particular, it was about 6 am when he called me and asked me to come over and take a morning nap with him.  I remember listening to Rendezvous by Craig David on my ride there, it became the song I always listened to on my way to see him. Eventually, I got to his place and we just layed in his bed and began to nap.

I opened my eyes to look up at this flawless man laying next to me, he looked like an innocent child while sleeping. I realized at that moment how much I was starting to care about this man, I wanted nothing to harm him. He appeared to be so rough, but I knew he had a big soft spot in him. I layed there for a few minutes and began observing his face and thinking to myself that I could fall for this man easily. More than anything else, I wanted nothing to harm him, I just wanted him to always be happy.

But why? I just met him. How did this happen so fast? Who cares..

I dismissed my thoughts, got closer to Robs body.. put my face in his neck, took in the scent of his body, closed my eyes and napped. It was so simple, so innocent. We just layed there sleeping together. I could lay there forever, I remember thinking.

We woke up from our quick nap and decided to get some coffee since it was early morning. We pulled up to the Second Cup café and ordered our drink – it was a white mocha latte. We took our coffee and sat outside on the patio and enjoyed the beautiful morning sun. We sat next to each other talking about everything.

It was the first time I felt like I was able to open up to someone who I had only known for a short period of time. Even though I was miles away from home, I felt right at home when I was with him. Wonderful Tonight by Eric Clapton came on while we were conversing; I stopped and asked Rob the story about the song and he explained it to me. I love this man's intelligence. His love for music and the fact that he analyzed lyrics like I do- just made me melt.

The way he looked at me when he told me stories…it did something to me. I’d never been so interested in a man’s life before. I’d never really cared too much to know a person inside out. There was something about him. The feeling he gave me. I just wanted to open up my heart to him and let everything out. I felt like I could be myself around him and I know he felt the same.

Watching him laugh and tell me stories about his childhood and family is what really touched me. I loved seeing him smile. I think it was safe to say that I was definitely falling for Rob; it just might’ve been the day I fell in love with him.