Frustration

I'm so confused at this very moment. I don’t know if its because I am sitting by myself at home while my friends are out with their boyfriends or if I'm just letting out emotions that I've repressed before.

I love my friends and I'd take a bullet for them.. they have been there for me through everything which makes me life a lot easier. There are days when I don't see them and I seem to be OK those days too... but today for some reason, something is off....
It just really sucks that Rob and I cannot just hang out and talk. He is the one person who I love talking to, doing nothing with and gets me.. gets everything I say! We have now been broken up for almost a year (haven't seen each other once since August) yet I still feel so comfortable with him and I'm longing just to see him.
I understand how break ups go and the "rules" but honestly.. fuck the rules. There shouldn't be any rules, period. I no longer believe in playing hard to get or playing stupid mind games.. they don't get you anywhere... it only confuses things more! I am very open and upfront about things, even when I shouldn't be.
I don't know what I'm upset about today.. whether its because I can't just hang out with Rob or if I'm just really bored and upset with the circumstances in my life at the moment. Hmm, come to think of it.. probably the second part. Truth be told, I'm pretty OK without Rob in my life.. I manage. I do think of him every single day, every couple minutes (for for a second or two) and I do miss him when I go to bed at night... but I'm still OK.
However, I cannot get myself in a relationship with anyone else. I have "missed" out on a lot of good guys because I don't want to be with anyone else but Rob. I don't put myself out there either and that also may be the reason why I have been single for a ear.. but whatever it is, I'm glad. Had I been with anyone, I would've ended up breaking their heart because I'm still madly in love with Rob.
Everyone knows that I'm in love with a no-name mysterious man and I'm sure they wonder who he is or why I'm even waiting for him. It is a choice I've made myself and its better to do something than regret that you didn't. Come to think of it, I think that's how I live my life.. I tend to message Rob at inappropriate times or say things to him out of no where because I just don't care anymore.. better to do something than regret not doing it.. right?
So basically I'm an endless dreamer and either I’ll be very happy in the end, or disappointed.